Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

   has come up with a solution to the oil spill .........auqaman(finally he can be useful)

   we all live on the same planet but we're all in our own worlds..

   The lemonade in my new McDonalds Shrek glass tastes funny!

   thinks that hard work never killed anybody, but wht take the chance?

   now lets not exaggerate on how good, Dear john was...

   Quick tip, when doing a print screen of Stalker Check for your facebook pictures, don't leave porn in in your Internet tabs...

   's wondering where Chinese gets their English names from

   I'm going to recreate the human centipede in my basement. I'm just going to use a bunch of scotch tape though.

   Our company had a chili cook-off today at 11:30. The "crop dusting" began about 2 hours later

   If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first

   i wonder if they have a pill for premature procrastination

   Just downloaded the new FIFA to his Laptop, tried to open the file and it said it was corrupt.

   You should never use cowboy builders but after what is going on at the Commonwealth Games in Delhi you should steer well clear of Indian ones too :)

   Rise and shine Billie Joe Armstrong... It's October!

   Ive not seen such a guilty face since I finished my jigsaw of O J Simpson

   An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

   IDK what it is about gum, but I suddenly feel so much sassier when I chew it!!

   homework: this is your last warning, if you keep coming here I'm filing a restraint order

   The only stimulating book I want to read is "50 Shades of Gravy"