Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I've got 99 problems, so I metaphorically placed each one in a luftballoon and then send them on their way to the horizon. 
Oprah donated her $ to build a school on another country tax free. Thats ok, no kids here need help..she celebrates presidents day by owning a president..Fweeeeeee
Today is Ash Wednesday, the day that I get to go around and tell people they have a nice "ash" and not get funny looks or get in trouble.
B!tch on hardcore pawn got called..'pepperoni ass' I think America jus got its new catch phrase
We have a robot that shoots lasers, they have a fruit. I think androids win.
I can never take an email seriously if it is typed in Comic Sans.
Beatlejuice. Beatlejuice. Beatlejuice........ Well, that was a bunch of BS!
Do you know what I think is alarming?.... Clocks.
At the airport heading off to spring break. TSA hassling me about my suitcase full of wet t-shirts.
I was sitting here trying to collect my thoughts, then I realized I don't have any.
For those of you whose FB picks I stalk late at night, it's only because your dog started barking when I was at your window!!
I want you to feel like it's home when you're in between my thighs. ;)
My sexual preference is you… daily!
There's always that one person who doesn't get it. Don't be that person, no...don't be that person.
Why does the Easter Bunny hide it's eggs?...Cuz it doesn't want anyone to know it's having sex with a chicken.
Just don't update your Facebook status, update your life status...Jesus
I use to be good at math, until they added the alphabet
Facebook...Where people present themselves as up and coming stars, yet no one, including 99% of the people on their friends list ever heard of them.
Rotisserie Chicken..a morbid Ferris-wheel for chicken...spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water...That's right… I LIKE MY CHICKEN DIZZY!!!
I stopped listening to heavy metal after googling "where to buy Anthrax" landed me on several government watch lists. 