Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When i'm good, i'm good. When i'm BAD, i'm the best!!!

   How do I always end up stalking people on Facebook that I don't even know...

   decided to live forever ..................... or die in the attempt.

   Hangovers: the wrath of grapes.

   when you are single,all you see r happy couples.............when you r commited,all you see r happy singles. :))

   dances with the devil in the pale moon light.

   didn't say you were a girl all I said was you look like Justin Beiber.

   My Hamster has a developed an issue. He slides money out of my wallet and eats it. Seriously! $40 this week, so far. Renaming him "Government".

   I tried, I really did. I threw my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn't care. It's not working!

   Just woke up, took the Lemon out of his mouth, removed the belt from around his neck and headed into work.

   wishes the government would take pennies out of circulation already. Giving you my 2 cents everytime you've said or done something stupid has left me broke. Glad you're rich though.

   I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

   Buddy the Elf. What's your favorite color?

   wondering if maybe this planet is the dumping ground for all the other planets rif-raf.... celestial hell, if you would....kinda like Detroit is to us.

   Just saw a commercial with Billy Mays. He must have the same agent as Tupac and Osama bin laden.

   My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

   Not surprisingly, slow-cooked Leprechauns taste just like corned beef!

   my Sunday coupons are now bilingual, and it didn't even give me the option to press 1 for English.

   We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy.

   Dropping the fish I had for lunch off at the pond