BONUS Funny Status Messages

   Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

   You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

   If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

   If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

   I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

   What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

   Brad Pitt once asked me out. I was in his room.