Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Nicki Minaj sits in front of a mirror, slowly removing her makeup to reveal Ja Rule. A single tear rolls down his cheek.

   Apparently Ariel Castro recently changed his Facebook status to 'Swinger' and now he wont return my phone calls!

   Holy Water Recipe: Boil the "Hell" out of it!!

   She walked into the bar like she owned the place. She was like, very concerned with potential health and fire code violations. It was weird

   I was an atheist until I realized I was a sex god

   Sext: 'Ride me harder, baby. Harder' Me: 'I'M ALREADY TYPING IN ALL CAPS, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?'

   hmmm....the red nose? the flying? aiding in transporting? and nervousness? Its obvious Rudolph has a cocaine problem.

   Happy labor day to all the moms out there....oh, you mean that's not what it means?

   Alcohol + Taylor Swift + Drugs = Ke$ha

   Don't think we didn't notice you deleted your status when no one liked it

   youtube is red, facebook is blue, I'm so lonely with nothing to do

   i bought all my Grandma's friends at the nursing home Ouija boards for Christmas so we can keep in touch in the New Year.

   If you're having a weird pain today remember, tons of people die from that stuff all the time.

   To all those who will received a book from me as a Christmas present this year....They are due back at the library in 2 days.

   I shall only address vegan lesbians as "salad fingers"from now on.

   Children are just little a$$holes waiting to grow up to be bigger a$$holes.

   A woman is only sexy until she becomes a wife.

   I like my women like I like my chinese food.... steamy, hot, and lots of doggie

   One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, call your ex.

   CNN reported that Bruce Jenner got back ended yesterday....I also heard something about a car crash....;-)