Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   16 and pregnant....white girls get their own show......Black girls go on Maury

   "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." -- Randy Pausch

   Actualy, I'm dying for Trump to make it to the primary so we can see all the horrible things he says about each state he loses in one by one.

   Lady GaGa was born this way 8======D

   My daughter has just taken two black guys up to her bedroom to study together. From the sounds of it they're getting every revision question right.

   here, reminding all of you, obey gravity, it's the law.

   had a dream I was stranded on a deserted island with Dracula and Nancy Pelosi. Pretty spooky! One is a evil being that is pale and will drain the life out of you.....And the other one's a vampire

   Osama Binladen.. comming soon to a beach near you...

   If the CPA's are ok with your tax return, and the IRS is ok with your tax return, why is it so important for the LameStreamMedia to see your tax return? #WitchHunt #FakeNews #Haters

   Sept. 11th (NY) ... Jan. 11th (HAITI) ... March 11th (JAPAN) .... Luke 21:10-11 : How many times do I have to see this? Hey wingnuts, get your dates right before you post !! Google Haiti's earthquake and check out the date! 12 Jan 2010 ( NOT 11 Jan).

   filling out an application for Obama's death panel. I would like to be a senior member of the panel when Pelosi's number is due.

   We were not created! We evolved! Religion is for people who can't comprehend such a thing.

   I got recognized once. It was at my friend's house. He was all, "Hey, you really should call first." So cool.

   The iPhone 5 better be waterproof, fireproof, crack proof, dirt proof, bulletproof, and be able to charge itself and cook for me.

   tried to kill a spider by drowning it, but it looked at me and asked, "Where's the soap?"

   our brain is divided into 2 parts (i.e) left and right...there's nothing right at the left side and nothing left in the right side...

   People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous.

   The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.

   The only acceptable excuse for not being drunk on a Saturday night should be poverty.

   I wonder where women without thigh gaps put their hands when it’s really cold.