Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I get married: we're having all kinds of sex.. Where you been Sex..Random Sex.. Angry Sex.. We're out of sugar Sex...After eating KFC Sex

   "I'm just sayin. It'd be better without the raisins." ------[ Everything with raisins ]

   Happy Hump Day means zip to the 15% who work weekends, the 30% who do six days a week, 8% unemployed, 10% disabled, 15% on call, and the 20% who are retired. To the 2% that this actually applies to....bl0w me.

   Girls: All guys are a*seholes!. Me: Nooo they're not, I'm right here!!!! :(

   All stick figure people are black and all of the family stickers on peoples cars are white

   I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow.

   It was so cute when you called me last night... LOL JK, don`t you ever interrupt my sleep again.

   In 5 years there will be no such thing as a baby gender - scan? You'll have to wait until it's 10 years old for it to tell you if it's a boy or a girl!

   Donald Trump's Economic Team: 1) His accountant. 2) Random billionaire. 3) Omarosa. 4) Wesley Snipes. 5) Bernie Madoff.

   it me or does Lester Holts look like a Bigfoot?

   "Vote for Donald Trump or face nuclear war" - RUSSIA

   I just need you to find me 100 upvotes! I can't stand losing, and I'll try anything to win!

   Going to the army navy game doesn't count as visting the troops.

   Nothing says "HI I'M GUILTY BUT I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY MY WAY OUT" like settling your rape case for $850,000

   SIERRA, ECHO ,NOVEMBER,DELTA NOVEMBER UNIFORM DELTA ECHO SIERRA .

   During the election Syria financialy supported 2 groups... 1SlS and the Clinton campaign.

   Waiting for the release of the blockbuster sequel "The Art of the Lie."

   Why would you trust your country to someone that you would not be willing to be alone in a room with your teenage daughter?

   If Joseph was black. Mary: I’m pregnant… Joseph: It’s not mine. Mary: That’s what I’m trying to tell you.

   I'm not a fan of Donald Trump, but I won't denigrate those who are....and for those that are Donald Trump fans, denigrate means to "put down."