Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   checked in to a hotel and I asked if the porn channels could be disabled…She replied “Sick-o”!!!

   I always ask myself WWJDD? (What Would Johnny Depp Do?) That seems to work for me.

   I saw on the television today that Huggies diaper's have come out with a new Levi design.What's next, bib-overall depend's for grandpa?....

   The News Feed sure does have a lot of sales on Spam Jordans and Nike shoes.

   Did you know that Donald Trump likes Justin Bieber...

   Donald Trump could be a huge step forward in race relations. He can be a voice for the orange people.

   Both of these candidates belong behind bars. One in a zoo, the other in prison.

   what idiot called them pregnant women and not bodybuilders

   If Beyonce with all her beauty, talent and money can get cheated on, what chance you you basic women have?

   In Finland when a baby is born you just throw a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.

   Well, it's 2015. Where's my robot girlfriend, nerds??

   69... Some might call it nasty... I call it a romantic dinner for 2

   Of course I woke up happy.....Its Steak and a BJ day

   [a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok [a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha

   If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started

   I really miss your face... between my thighs.

   WAIT BEYONCE MY LEFT OR YOUR LEFT

   "Taco Bell reminds me of my abuela's cooking when I was growing up." - said no Juan ever

   Happy National Dog Day to all da bitches.

   Date a girl who watches football with you and lets you grab her ass during commercials.