Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4364 of 6447

Its peanut butter and jelly time. Minus the peanut butter, hold the jelly and with beer.
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02-21-2011 18:26
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No one ever seems to realize that when your EX says after you brake up, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you again," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.
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06-01-2011 22:44 by BEGO
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try to say the letter `M` without your lips touching.

I don't get why all my drug dealers are so unreliable?
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07-06-2011 15:04
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This Sunny D tastes like I can't afford orange juice.
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07-08-2011 16:08 by RM
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Dear people that still clip your phone to your belt.......stop.
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02-25-2013 13:41
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How did taking in refugees work for the native Americans? Dont ever forget that
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11-26-2015 13:53 by Adamsdet
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Does February March? No, but April May.
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03-29-2012 13:37
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Yo Obama! I'm really happy for you, I'ma let you finish but Bush's hanging of Saddam was the best killing of all time. Of all time!!
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05-02-2011 10:48
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says I've Got Nothing Against Mohammed or Allah...It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand
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11-09-2009 08:56 by Brades
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Did you know you that you don’t have to put every meal you eat on Instagram? You can just eat it.
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05-03-2013 21:11 by BEGO
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New FB Idea...a Middle finger button! Who's with me?...

Scientists can't decide if eggs are bad for you, how many planets we have, or how old the Earth is....let alone what began the universe. Based on their lack of consistency and plausibility, I'm going with the God theory.
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03-14-2014 06:05 by Massolare
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Hotel showers have 2 settings. It's either "gently peeing on you" or "DEAR GOD, THIS IS GOING TO RIP MY NIPPLES OFF!"
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03-27-2014 01:31
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For my next magic trick I'm going to turn your washing machine into a toilet.
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09-25-2013 09:19
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Education: n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
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10-09-2013 01:38
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The American bald eagle is no longer America's National Bird...it is now Obama's middle finger
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01-23-2016 20:30
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Does anybody else have a plastic bag full of other plastic bags in their house or is it just me???
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12-06-2013 04:54
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Nice cowgirl boots. I bet you do alot of Ranchy stuff in those Hollister jeans!
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01-21-2014 07:54
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Okay, admit it. You're secretly hoping Justin Bieber does his Paul Walker impersonation.
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01-23-2014 19:46
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