Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Breaking: Michelle Bachmann calls for immediate release of US Predator drone pilots downed by Iran......

   whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously has never sold weed

   My car is leaking oil. Can I blame BP?

   Team Edward? Team Jacob? How about Team Dracula you pansies!!!!

   wondering why people say HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT like I am the piolet or something.

   an appetite for destruction...and he is starving this week

   ǝǝɹʇ ɐ ɯoɹɟ ƃuıƃuɐɥ sı

   What is a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?

   If roses are red and violets are blue, then what colour is violet?

   Bacon is fried chicken for whyte people.

   Oprah, you don't need a purse, you need a mumu!!

   Bet if a gunman opened fire while Obama was onstage yesterday....he would use them as human shields!! Kinda like he is doing now!!

   In fairness, we've been building 'ground zeros' near Iraqi mosques since March 2003.

   If anybody slips and falls down at mid field in the second half I'm blaming the sweat that dripped from Madonna's vag.

   This holiday season, keep it green...smoke joints, not cigarettes.

   People are so concerned about having to wait to see if Trump will want a recount, but are completely forgetting Bernie's and Gore's recounts. Hillary even started the Obama "birther" movement to end his legitimacy. #hypocrites

   You never hear songs about wishing they could all be Texas girls.

   sometimes when I bleed I pretend I just had a red Gatorade and that i'm just sweating like a pro

   Oh you hate your job? Theres a support group for that, its called everybody. They meet at the bar.

   refusing to take NO for an answer, Big Ben just raped the Lombardi Trophy.