Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   President Obama - The worlds most powerful insurance salesman.. How embarrassing.

   did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was fried and eaten on MLK day.

   4-20... The day when it is obvious which of your friends are still mentally in high school.

   rael says "ceasefire", Hamas says "reload".

   wtf? why is Obama meeting with Indians? Thanksgiving is still 3 weeks away!

   all he's done in 2 yrs is take fancy trips and vacations on our dime!!

   would give his right arm to be ambidexious

   I don't think of Canada as a different country, I think of it more like, America's Hat, because they've always got us covered. Same goes for Mexico, I think of them as Americas Legs, because without them, none of the labor would get done.

   feels sorry for guys who's girlfriends call them The Boy. Hanging out with The Boy Tonight. Obviously he's not the man.

   Fat chicks and mopeds. Both fun to ride until your friends find out.

   This whole rescue could have been avoided if he just stayed in his vehicle. He should have called it in and waited for ems to arrive.

   So....Apparently putting toothpaste on your ass....DOES NOT stop you from being raped in prison.....so much for complete cavity protection!

   Men who shave their arms, legs and/or chest probably shave their v@ginas as well.

   ''If he doesn't hit you, he doesn't love you.'' - Rihanna

   ghetto word of the day dictate ......that hoe say my dictate good

   Here's a thought. Let's get up a petition to have CNN classifed as a Hate Group.

   When asked what the Indians called America before the white man came, an Indian said simply, "Ours."

   Wonders why eleven isn't just onety-one...

   will write you a love song unlike that Sara Bareilles b**ch

   the United states just became worse