Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How can you tell if your chocolate Easter bunny is male or female? Bite it's head off. If it's hollow,it's a male.

   I know why blacks are always angry....you would be too if you had to go through life with a wad of pubic hair on top of your head.

   every time Sarah Palin speaks, a moose dies...

   "If at first you don't succeed skydiving definitely isn't for you."

   President Obama is celebrating Black History Month, but just for the first two weeks.........

   I HaTe PeOpLe WhO WrItE tHiS wAy !!

   and he invented man and everything in heaven and earth... except contraception, and dinosaurs, and gáys.

   Ron Paul 2012..do your research, don't trust the mainstream media, the other 3 flip-flopping candidates are liars and backed by banks..the same banks the back Obama and got your bailout dollars! Ron Raul is backed by our military! ..Ron Paul 2012!!

   Know what I love about my dogs? I can lock 'em in the trunk of my car for an hour, and when I open it, they're excited to see me. Can't do that with a wife...

   RETRO BREAKING NEWS: NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, and MSNBC blames Bush for Katrina. Also for herpes, World War 1 and "All My Children" getting cancelled.

   Chrysler,Eminem Imported From Detroit one of the best commercials ever

   wonders what age I'll be when Obama's death panel deems me "no longer cost effective."

   An ISIS terrorist was temporarily detained at the US border, when his prayer rug was mistaken for a Confederate Flag.

   - Xbox and nintendo wii are both white and none of my credit card details were stolen by those. The ps3 on the other hand......

   My Daughter asked if I wanted to have a tea party, so I yelled at her & her dolls for 2 hours about how I don't want to pay taxes anymore.

   imagine if everytime you yawned .. a ghost was putting his pecker in yer mouth ..

   A guy walks into a bear and orders a drink. He didn’t notice my typo. Anyway, he’s dead now.

   Now that "Cocaine Bear" has been a hit and they are working on "Meth Alligator." I can't wait for the next installment, "Marijuana Sloth." A 7 hour slow-paced movie about a vicious Bradypus with the munchies for murder.

   happy Diwali ...the festival of lights (India)

   Rosa Parks never called SHOTGUN!!