Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If anyone believes Osama Bin Laden was really buried at sea, I have a bridge in New York I want to sell you.

   If a person has an imaginary friend, it's crazy. If several people have the same imaginary friend, it's religion.

   the girl told me she loves baby showers so I jizzed on her face totally misunderstood

   wondering ... When Weird Al Yankovic dies, will they do a parody of Michael Jackson's memorial?

   The Biden crowd has Helen Keller Syndrome. Facts fall on deaf ears, dumb reasoning and blind eyes.

   My wife was killed yesterday, I'll never forget her last words... 'Make your own sandwich!'

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you're good. Fool me four times, WOW! Did you major in fooling?

   Let this stupid kid out that likes his own post for 100 tiimes and bring the funny ones back.. f this kid....

   Gas is $4.39 a gallon.... And girls think we're coming over to Just chill???

   How can you tell if your chocolate Easter bunny is male or female? Bite it's head off. If it's hollow,it's a male.

   I know why blacks are always angry....you would be too if you had to go through life with a wad of pubic hair on top of your head.

   every time Sarah Palin speaks, a moose dies...

   "If at first you don't succeed skydiving definitely isn't for you."

   President Obama is celebrating Black History Month, but just for the first two weeks.........

   I HaTe PeOpLe WhO WrItE tHiS wAy !!

   and he invented man and everything in heaven and earth... except contraception, and dinosaurs, and gáys.

   Ron Paul 2012..do your research, don't trust the mainstream media, the other 3 flip-flopping candidates are liars and backed by banks..the same banks the back Obama and got your bailout dollars! Ron Raul is backed by our military! ..Ron Paul 2012!!

   Know what I love about my dogs? I can lock 'em in the trunk of my car for an hour, and when I open it, they're excited to see me. Can't do that with a wife...

   RETRO BREAKING NEWS: NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, and MSNBC blames Bush for Katrina. Also for herpes, World War 1 and "All My Children" getting cancelled.

   Chrysler,Eminem Imported From Detroit one of the best commercials ever