Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4318 of 6462

When people on Facebook ask a stupid question, and then say "Go!"...that's usually what I do...I GO!...Ain't none of us got time to stick around and answer your rhetorical questions..it's probaby time for you to get a companion pet.

For a ski team, these guys in the 7-11 sure have a lot of guns!
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02-05-2019 19:16 by Truman
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They shouldn't have named it a baggage carousel if they didn't want me to ride it.
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02-08-2019 10:36
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People should be tested for emissions. They’re exhausting.

If you’re single and starting to feel a little sad about Valentines day just remember that Saint Valentine was beaten, thrown in prison then beheaded and all candy will be 50% off the next day.

Just helping someone find the chocolates I ate yesterday!
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02-13-2019 15:27 by Truman
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Back in the day, kids drank and smoked pot behind their parents back, now they get vaccinated...
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02-13-2019 22:07
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Happy Alentine's Ay for those of you not getting the V or the D today!
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02-14-2019 09:32
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Yes, I'm a chick magnet. The problem is, I'm the side that repels. FML.
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02-16-2019 17:57
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Rain rain go away so I don't waste all my time staring at Facebook all day.
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02-20-2019 09:20 by Moon
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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm. I gave her the glue stick by mistake. She's still not talking to me...
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02-28-2019 16:34 by Gabe
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My kids can worship Satan all they want as long as they don’t listen to nickelback

I went on a cycling holiday last year, and it was exhausting! If I do it again I think I'm going for a smaller caravan!
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03-02-2019 10:00 by Truman
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If confidence is shamelessly wearing your pyjamas in public at the grocery store, then yes, I am confident.

When I die I hope my life doesn't really flash before my eyes. There is some $h!t from my past I'd rather not see again.
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03-07-2019 10:48
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If walls work. Then tell that to the Kool-aid pitcher.
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03-09-2019 23:35
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I met MicroSoft owner Bill Windows.
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03-11-2019 22:33
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I think some of my Facebook friends make completely irrational decisions in life that make no sense whatsoever, and we should hangout more.
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03-13-2019 12:36
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Mmmmmm, I want some hamberders.
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03-19-2019 12:16
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I'm holding a Twitter conspiracy meeting tonight. Don't tell Devin.
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03-19-2019 15:09
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