Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When people on Facebook ask a stupid question, and then say "Go!"...that's usually what I do...I GO!...Ain't none of us got time to stick around and answer your rhetorical questions..it's probaby time for you to get a companion pet.
←Rate | 02-04-2019 18:00 by therealtimmyt Comments (0)  


   messageicon For a ski team, these guys in the 7-11 sure have a lot of guns!
←Rate | 02-05-2019 19:16 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon They shouldn't have named it a baggage carousel if they didn't want me to ride it.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 10:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People should be tested for emissions. They’re exhausting.
←Rate | 02-10-2019 10:28 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re single and starting to feel a little sad about Valentines day just remember that Saint Valentine was beaten, thrown in prison then beheaded and all candy will be 50% off the next day.
←Rate | 02-10-2019 16:32 by ScottyDon’t Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just helping someone find the chocolates I ate yesterday!
←Rate | 02-13-2019 15:27 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in the day, kids drank and smoked pot behind their parents back, now they get vaccinated...
←Rate | 02-13-2019 22:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Alentine's Ay for those of you not getting the V or the D today!
←Rate | 02-14-2019 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, I'm a chick magnet. The problem is, I'm the side that repels. FML.
←Rate | 02-16-2019 17:57 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Rain rain go away so I don't waste all my time staring at Facebook all day.
←Rate | 02-20-2019 09:20 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm. I gave her the glue stick by mistake. She's still not talking to me...
←Rate | 02-28-2019 16:34 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kids can worship Satan all they want as long as they don’t listen to nickelback
←Rate | 03-01-2019 11:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went on a cycling holiday last year, and it was exhausting! If I do it again I think I'm going for a smaller caravan!
←Rate | 03-02-2019 10:00 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If confidence is shamelessly wearing your pyjamas in public at the grocery store, then yes, I am confident.
←Rate | 03-06-2019 11:24 by @samdunsiger Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die I hope my life doesn't really flash before my eyes. There is some $h!t from my past I'd rather not see again.
←Rate | 03-07-2019 10:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If walls work. Then tell that to the Kool-aid pitcher.
←Rate | 03-09-2019 23:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met MicroSoft owner Bill Windows.
←Rate | 03-11-2019 22:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think some of my Facebook friends make completely irrational decisions in life that make no sense whatsoever, and we should hangout more.
←Rate | 03-13-2019 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mmmmmm, I want some hamberders.
←Rate | 03-19-2019 12:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm holding a Twitter conspiracy meeting tonight. Don't tell Devin.
←Rate | 03-19-2019 15:09 Comments (0)  




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