Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X says a Blonde just texted me and asked "what does idk stand for? " I said "i dont know" she said "omg! nobody does!"
X Facebook has just suggested I poke my wife . . . Yeah good one facebook . . . Been trying for weeks . .
X woke up my wife this morning. She started feeling my face with her eyes closed. I asked her what she's doing and she said "Looking for the off button."
X says The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?
X I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry sh*t makes me feel like a p*ssy.
X Every time I burn dinner the fire alarm goes off and lets everyone in the neighborhood know. It's such an invasion of privacy.
X If love is blind does that mean divorce is lasik surgery?
X If TMZ doesn't follow me home from work today, I'm done wearing these ridiculous Lady Gaga costumes.
X As a taxpayer, I demand police escorts for emergency situations... Such as trying to get Ice cream to work from Braum's before its melts...
X I said to my girlfriend "Just remember,my grandmother is a bit old & hard of hearing. So speak nicely,speak slowly & speak loudly." I then whispered to my perfectly capable grandmother "My girlfriend is slightly retarded." Oh,what fun I had.
X is She didn't make me pay before she gave me service........... So I paid her in Trident Layers.........
X is likes reading FML stories because it makes my life seem Amazing!
X Get off the phone while you driving and while your at it, pick a lane and stick to it
X I just saw a Rabbi and a Priest walk into a bar together. I have a feeling something funny is about to happen
X is Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
X is Canadian teen idol Justin Bieber scored a nomination for a 2010 Black Entertainment Television award. It's official, the world is coming to an end...
X says wouldn't the world be a better place if girls were like DOGS , always naked
X Canada still up there? Somebody really should check now and then.
X Well established facts can be disputed if you Google them hard enough.
X You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called "going commando"? It seems to me it wouldn't be useful in a combat situation.