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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X Just before I die I'm going to get my hand stamped in case I want to come back in.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 19:57 by Joser Comments (0)


X Officer, I was not "texting" while driving. I was "watching a movie on my iPad"
←Rate | 07-13-2010 19:57 by Joser Comments (0)


X The Makers of K-2 has just come out with another break through synthetic, called J-2. Its Synthetic Jesus in incense form. No need to go to church now, you are automatically saved from hell fire and damnation! Side effects may include speaking in tongues.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 19:56 by George Comments (0)


X "You should just smile & blow me cause I deserve it!" - Mel Gibson
←Rate | 07-13-2010 19:43 Comments (0)




X is Women are SO lucky! They get fat, they get big boobs, we get fat, our wiener just looks small.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 19:41 Comments (0)


X says Everything is better in slow motion!!
←Rate | 07-13-2010 19:25 Comments (0)


X Remember the time when Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles. Super Nintendo, Sega Genisis, the ORIGINAL Nickelodeon, Saturday morning cartoons. and recess made you a real kid back then.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:56 by Danmanz Comments (0)


X Remember when TV was free?
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:46 by Danmanz Comments (0)


X was once told that girls are like a good pair of shoes... you have to break them in!
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:38 by RFBROW Comments (0)


X all I have to say is ..... HADOUKEN
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:38 by taj Comments (0)


X is not feeling so good I got chocolate wasted last night.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:32 Comments (0)


X I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:14 by Joser Comments (0)


X Have you ever had your tea iced? .. Your welcome
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:13 by Joser Comments (0)


X I had 99 problems but I took one down and passed it around.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:13 by Joser Comments (0)


X The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (0)


X OH NO! I'm sorry. I thought it was lime that heals all wounds. That must really sting.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (2)


X No one has ever complimented me on my mountain fresh scent. Either people are jerks or this body wash is bullsh*t.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:11 by Joser Comments (0)


X She wanted to be friends with benefits, but I said no because she didn't offer dental.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:10 Comments (0)


X I wear an eye patch when I download music illegally.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (1)


X Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:09 by Joser Comments (0)


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