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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X says a Blonde just texted me and asked "what does idk stand for? " I said "i dont know" she said "omg! nobody does!"
←Rate | 05-19-2010 22:09 by RON Comments (0)

X Facebook has just suggested I poke my wife . . . Yeah good one facebook . . . Been trying for weeks . .
←Rate | 05-19-2010 22:08 by RON Comments (0)

X woke up my wife this morning. She started feeling my face with her eyes closed. I asked her what she's doing and she said "Looking for the off button."
←Rate | 05-19-2010 22:06 by RON Comments (0)

X says The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?
←Rate | 05-19-2010 22:05 by RON Comments (0)

X I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry sh*t makes me feel like a p*ssy.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 22:00 by Joser Comments (0)

X Every time I burn dinner the fire alarm goes off and lets everyone in the neighborhood know. It's such an invasion of privacy.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 21:14 by Joser Comments (0)

X If love is blind does that mean divorce is lasik surgery?
←Rate | 05-19-2010 21:13 by Joser Comments (0)

X If TMZ doesn't follow me home from work today, I'm done wearing these ridiculous Lady Gaga costumes.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 21:13 by Joser Comments (0)

X As a taxpayer, I demand police escorts for emergency situations... Such as trying to get Ice cream to work from Braum's before its melts...
←Rate | 05-19-2010 21:12 by Joser Comments (0)

X I said to my girlfriend "Just remember,my grandmother is a bit old & hard of hearing. So speak nicely,speak slowly & speak loudly." I then whispered to my perfectly capable grandmother "My girlfriend is slightly retarded." Oh,what fun I had.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 20:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (3)

X is She didn't make me pay before she gave me service........... So I paid her in Trident Layers.........
←Rate | 05-19-2010 19:54 Comments (0)

X is likes reading FML stories because it makes my life seem Amazing!
←Rate | 05-19-2010 19:44 Comments (0)

X Get off the phone while you driving and while your at it, pick a lane and stick to it
←Rate | 05-19-2010 19:29 by one Comments (0)

X I just saw a Rabbi and a Priest walk into a bar together. I have a feeling something funny is about to happen
←Rate | 05-19-2010 18:40 by Vito Comments (0)

X is Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
←Rate | 05-19-2010 18:31 by shoesan Comments (0)

X is Canadian teen idol Justin Bieber scored a nomination for a 2010 Black Entertainment Television award. It's official, the world is coming to an end...
←Rate | 05-19-2010 18:13 by tomthedj Comments (0)

X says wouldn't the world be a better place if girls were like DOGS , always naked
←Rate | 05-19-2010 17:34 Comments (0)

X Canada still up there? Somebody really should check now and then.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 16:50 by Joser Comments (5)

X Well established facts can be disputed if you Google them hard enough.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 16:50 by Joser Comments (0)

X You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called "going commando"? It seems to me it wouldn't be useful in a combat situation.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 16:50 by Joser Comments (0)

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