Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off

Search Messages:
Page: 4312 of 5226

   messageicon Whenever you're talking to someone who is really attractive, the odds of you doing something stupid are multiplied by 100
←Rate | 10-29-2010 16:08 by inezt Comments (0)  

   messageicon let's flip a coin. heads, i'm yours. tails, you're mine
←Rate | 10-29-2010 16:07 by inezt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Heart, I met a boy today.....prepare to shatter
←Rate | 10-29-2010 16:07 by inezt Comments (0)  

   messageicon you will always be the answer, when somebody asks me what I'm thinking about
←Rate | 10-29-2010 16:06 by inezt Comments (0)  

   messageicon Save your one wants to smell it.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 16:05 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If you have to start your sentance with "Now you know I'm not a bigot..." chances are you are...
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Question: IF you have a Harley and all the black assessories like HD T-shirt, Chaps, Gloves, Bandananana, booties..everything ... do you really need to go out and rent an Halloween Outfit? :)
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:41 by Franknsign Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the phone rings and you want to screw with the caller, just answer saying, "Bob's Orphanage, you make' em we take' em!"
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Grammer is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:17 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Whadda mean you don't have my reserved "World's Greatest Lover Don Juan Cassanova Halloween Outfit"???!!! ........ and NO... I don't want to be Tinkerbell ! :
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:14 by Franknsign Comments (0)  

   messageicon stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you were on a deserted island and you could only bring one item, how come people never say "A boat"
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who investigate strange noises in horror movies deserve to die.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trick or treat? I say why not be naughty and have both!
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't think I could ever stab someone. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love how you keep me warm and make me feel safe. Never a scornfull word or negative comment. Always pick me up when I am feeling down. You smell good all the time and are steaming with pleasure.......Coffee, I think I love you........
←Rate | 10-29-2010 15:00 by Corey C Comments (0)  

   messageicon's not their fault. You can't give someone two heads and expect them to think straight.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 14:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder how people would react if I walked in Sea World with a fishing pole?!?
←Rate | 10-29-2010 14:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 14:35 by rll Comments (0)  

   messageicon How can someone go out to buy groceries and end up in a pub?
←Rate | 10-29-2010 14:28 by HEX Comments (1)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left