Funny Status Messages for FacebookStatus message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
X Just before I die I'm going to get my hand stamped in case I want to come back in.
X Officer, I was not "texting" while driving. I was "watching a movie on my iPad"
X The Makers of K-2 has just come out with another break through synthetic, called J-2. Its Synthetic Jesus in incense form. No need to go to church now, you are automatically saved from hell fire and damnation! Side effects may include speaking in tongues.
X "You should just smile & blow me cause I deserve it!" - Mel Gibson
X is Women are SO lucky! They get fat, they get big boobs, we get fat, our wiener just looks small.
X says Everything is better in slow motion!!
X Remember the time when Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles. Super Nintendo, Sega Genisis, the ORIGINAL Nickelodeon, Saturday morning cartoons. and recess made you a real kid back then.
X Remember when TV was free?
X was once told that girls are like a good pair of shoes... you have to break them in!
X all I have to say is ..... HADOUKEN
X is not feeling so good I got chocolate wasted last night.
X I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
X Have you ever had your tea iced? .. Your welcome
X I had 99 problems but I took one down and passed it around.
X The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.
X OH NO! I'm sorry. I thought it was lime that heals all wounds. That must really sting.
X No one has ever complimented me on my mountain fresh scent. Either people are jerks or this body wash is bullsh*t.
X She wanted to be friends with benefits, but I said no because she didn't offer dental.
X I wear an eye patch when I download music illegally.
X Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray.