Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Oldest | Recent | Rating

X So what America didnt win the world cup..We still got "Two Girls One Cup"....

X is not Danny Phantom but if a girl says she is pregnant then he is going ghost

X Summer weather; it's not the heat, its the stupidity...

X If your relationship is so complicated that you have to identify it as such on Facebook, you should probably get the hell off Facebook and go fix it.

X thinks that if at first you don't succeed, you should pray that your future Honor Roll student takes care of you.

X In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...

X Has anyone invented exploding vuvuzelas yet? (Please don't steal my idea.)

X For sale: A horse. Will consider trade for a kingdom.

X is Some T.V celebs are jumping on the Sarar Palin bandwagon. Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel

X is I met the most hardcore vegetarian ever. She was also a lesbian..

X A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool...

X is Just woke up from a colonoscopy with my smock on backwards, Barry White music playing in the background and my doctor with his feet kicked up smoking a cigarette and told me everything went just fine…

X says Yeah, let me get this right, a guy name Samson gets his super strength from his hair? Is this what rational people actually believe? Sounds like a bad hollywood movie idea with Michael Bay production values.

X I asked my son if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "capital F!

X stayed up half the night waiting for this special lunar eclipse everyone was all excited about...only to find out it was some silly movie. Now I'm tired too...

X Never looking back doesn't make you an optimist, lady, it makes you a horrible driver.

X The dog keeps licking his butt and staring at me. I don't feel bad for him though. I tried to give him toilet paper and he ate it.

X I wouldn't mind all the diving and faking in soccer if, at random times during each game, a trapdoor opened to a pit of hungry crocodiles.

X It's simply way too hot today for me to believe global warming is real.

X I'm starting to get a bit worried that Canada isn't going to win the World Cup this year.