Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon That's the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good life.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 10:42 by BOSNIANBEAUTY29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon lindsay Lohan and Charle Sheen have signed for a new sit com called 2 and 1/2 grams
←Rate | 03-09-2011 10:39 by Banjaxed Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Life, When I asked if things could get worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 10:39 by BOSNIANBEAUTY29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd be more willing to join Farmville if they let me grow weed, and sell it to Mafia Wars...
←Rate | 03-09-2011 10:37 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Worry is a darkroom where negatives develop
←Rate | 03-09-2011 10:37 by BOSNIANBEAUTY29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon decided to give up searching his belly button for Lent!
←Rate | 03-09-2011 10:14 by Ron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Awkward....That moment when you think you are being helpful by telling someone they "got a lil dirt on their forehead" and they tell you it's Ash Wednesday.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 10:09 by punkie Comments (0)  

   messageicon US Congress is looking to reduce budget deficit by combining national healthcare with the TSA. Head to your local airport next time you need an X-ray or cancer exam.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 09:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard that NASA astronauts are moving items today out of retiring shuttle Discovery, in hopes of getting their security deposit back.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 09:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 09:27 by scottyp Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey Obama, where's the change? I need it to pay for gas!
←Rate | 03-09-2011 09:11 by specialk Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering if a butterflies wish they could get a tattoo of a woman on their shoulder.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 09:02 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to think that Bert & Ernie were gay men living together. Then I came to my senses and realized that no true gay man would have exceptionally bad hair, a hidious unibrow and wear those terrible clothes. Rock on B & E!
←Rate | 03-09-2011 08:12 by acreak Comments (0)  

   messageicon Glad I noticed it's Ash Wednesday so I don't tell someone they have dirt on their forehead...
←Rate | 03-09-2011 07:35 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you teabag someone that is allergic to nuts, is that considered attempted murder?
←Rate | 03-09-2011 07:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!
←Rate | 03-09-2011 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...
←Rate | 03-09-2011 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday I told my girlfriend to come over because no one is home. I don't know why she was so mad when she arrived to my empty house. I said "no one".
←Rate | 03-09-2011 06:54 by Dopey420 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Let your smile change the world, but dont let the world change your smile
←Rate | 03-09-2011 06:45 by Sorrel Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't worry about biting off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger than you think. ツ
←Rate | 03-09-2011 06:44 by Sorrel Comments (0)  

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