Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Mother nature is bipolar... I've been trying to get her into therapy but she just threatens me with a hormonal disorder so...
←Rate | 03-28-2011 13:14 by yeap Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is like Facebook. People will like your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs
←Rate | 03-28-2011 13:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon begining to suspect that my friend's tell me they don't have any single friends for me to meet so that if they in fact become single again they will have dibs.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 12:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Money=Problems So Problems=Time Time=money=Girls therefor Girls=problems
←Rate | 03-28-2011 11:58 by ken Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is the most spontaneous thing you plan on doing?
←Rate | 03-28-2011 10:08 by JimmyCos Comments (0)  

   messageicon sometimes does the Jedi Wave at automatic doors, just to feel better.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 09:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon so happy that McDonald's doesn't sell hot dogs. I just don't think I could order a "McWeiner" with a straight face! Don't even get me started on super-sizing
←Rate | 03-28-2011 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if I ever win the lottery the first thing I'm gonna do is hire a priest, a rabbi and a minister to walk into bars with me
←Rate | 03-28-2011 05:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hollywood are already planning a movie about the life of Elizabeth Taylor. It's provisionally titled 'Eight Weddings and a Funeral'.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 03:35 by manbearpig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lady Gaga says she takes her fashion inspiration from Princess Diana. It's just a shame it's not from how she looked before the crash.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 03:30 by manbearpig Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's been exactly a year since I quit drinking. And 364 days since I started again.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 03:29 by manbearpig Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever held your money and ever thought "I hope this hasn't been up a stripper's butt"...
←Rate | 03-28-2011 03:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I dont hate Mondays. I just cant stand the 24 hours they occupy.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 01:12 by Patoh Comments (0)  

   messageicon xT: Quotes My Parents Say I Spend To Much Time On Facebook And Should Go Outside . Thank God For Laptops And Wifi.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 00:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon <~~~may cause dizziness, high blood pressure, exitability, tingling sensation, loss of hearing, blindness, loose bowels, erectile disfunction, nauseau, heart failure and seizures.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 00:17 by TwoTone Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it that people think they are invisible in their cars while they are picking their noses?
←Rate | 03-27-2011 23:57 by TwoTone Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hit a midgets car today. He got out of the car and said, "I am not happy." So I said, "Which one are you?"
←Rate | 03-27-2011 23:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Two tips for faster jogging (1) hot guy in front of you; (2) creepy dude behind you
←Rate | 03-27-2011 23:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My right hand just fell asleep but I'm not really in the mood
←Rate | 03-27-2011 23:28 by @TheCreep75 Comments (0)  

   messageicon pulled more tail then a slow kid at a petting zoo.
←Rate | 03-27-2011 22:13 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (0)  

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