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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X Police found the device in a smoking Nissan Pathfinder. Thank God it was a Nissan. If it had been a Toyota, you know it would have blown up.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 07:19 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

X That runaway oil well in the Gulf of Mexico continues to gush about 200,000 gallons of oil a day. To put that into perspective: That's the equivalent of about ten buckets of K.F.C.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 07:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

X Since the Statue of Liberty was a gift from France, I'm surprised it didn't come with both arms raised.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 07:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

X NOTE TO SELF: Remember not to discuss my personal life on FaceBook. And don't forget to pick up rash cream..........
←Rate | 05-03-2010 07:10 Comments (0)

X says Be careful when someone wants to take you to ANOTHER LEVEL, I listened to that and now I am in another level, but much lower than I was before!
←Rate | 05-03-2010 05:54 by Mduduzi Comments (0)

X says Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?
←Rate | 05-03-2010 05:30 Comments (0)

X says May the 4th be with you!
←Rate | 05-03-2010 05:21 by @TheChadi Comments (0)

X I just heard that Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus are going to sing Country Music together…….. I think their new group should be called the Ditsy Chicks….
←Rate | 05-03-2010 04:09 by jPasta Comments (0)

X says Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young ones
←Rate | 05-03-2010 03:30 Comments (0)

X is Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 01:52 by paulb808 Comments (0)

X says I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 01:18 Comments (0)

X is May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 01:11 by paulb808 Comments (0)

X is Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't f#cking clap." I was that white guy.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 00:37 by paulb808 Comments (0)

X is she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
←Rate | 05-03-2010 00:36 by paulb808 Comments (1)

X is how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
←Rate | 05-02-2010 20:12 by paulb808 Comments (0)

X is the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. I told her I wanted to be on cops
←Rate | 05-02-2010 20:10 by paulb808 Comments (0)

←Rate | 05-02-2010 20:09 by bstn rulz Comments (0)

X is we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 20:08 by paulb808 Comments (0)

X is and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, I knew it was time to go.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 20:05 by paulb808 Comments (0)

X There's a fine line between hyphenated words.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 19:55 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)

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