Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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   messageicon suffering from Dyslexia : Putting the cool in shcool.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 11:27 by kangeroorat Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I guess changing my profile picture to Herbert from Family Guy wouldn't be appropriate this week.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 10:37 by @marqattacks Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call a bra in Russian? Stoppenzefloppin
←Rate | 12-02-2010 09:58 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Not sure why my bill collector keep trippin and askin for their money...I mean as long as I owe yall money you will alwayz have a job...Hell you should be callin to thank me cuz I'm your job security....
←Rate | 12-02-2010 09:48 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when people tell you their life story against your will. I think it's a form of low level rape.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 09:39 by Kelevra Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wait, Miley Cyrus has been 18 for only a week, and there's already naked pictures of her? Somebody might be beating Lindsay to porn.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 08:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Honk, if you want to see my finger!
←Rate | 12-02-2010 07:54 by one Comments (0)  

   messageicon World Cup in Qatar? Does that mean 2024 Summer Olympics in Baghdad or Kabul?
←Rate | 12-02-2010 07:29 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon New TSA slogan: "It's not a grope....It's a freedom pat"
←Rate | 12-02-2010 07:22 by Grifter Comments (1)  

   messageicon trying to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn bottle opened.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 07:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I broke wind in front of an elderly customer today. She didn't think it was funny as I did.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 07:15 by chel Comments (0)  

   messageicon To be TOGETHER, you need TO-GET-HER
←Rate | 12-02-2010 07:13 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Why don't you unbutton that blouse and let me get to know ya?
←Rate | 12-02-2010 07:12 by chel Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call a bunch of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 07:09 by chel Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd also like to learn how to spell GIANT one of these days
←Rate | 12-02-2010 06:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd like to thank meth addicts for making buying allergy and cold medicine and ginat pain in the a$%
←Rate | 12-02-2010 06:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Feeling like Mr. Pink, although everything is going wrong I'm going to make it out alive!!
←Rate | 12-02-2010 06:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Pope mobile: Because nothing says "I have faith in God!" like 4 inches of bulletproof glass.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 05:32 by Grifter Comments (0)  

   messageicon me and the wife do it doggy style , I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead
←Rate | 12-02-2010 04:57 by Banjaxed Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everytime I read "Happy Hanukkah" It reminds me of 'Hakuna Matata''
←Rate | 12-02-2010 04:54 Comments (0)  

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