Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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   messageicon Facebook: the place where you are a nice person when you add someone and become an ***hole when you delete them.
←Rate | 01-05-2011 01:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At $50 billion, Facebook is now worth as much as Oprah's little finger
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks Arkansas is taking the game "Angry Birds" a little too far...
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:42 by Carol Costello Comments (2)  

   messageicon Ross: Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine. Chandler: Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits.
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:40 by Anemma Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ross: You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half *pure evil*!
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:40 by Anemma Comments (0)  

   messageicon Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson (Good Luck to those playing the powerball!!)
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:28 by Anemma Comments (0)  

   messageicon The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:25 by Anemma Comments (2)  

   messageicon After telling a joke to a little sad kid, he simply asked back " do you know why the chicken crossed the road?" I said no why? He said " Because you were telling the joke at the chicken side". The end and he walked away. :/
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:11 by Ken Comments (1)  

   messageicon my new years resolution is 1920 x 1080
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:04 Comments (7)  

   messageicon liked to climb trees as a kid....until I fell and broke all the Christmas presents.
←Rate | 01-05-2011 00:00 by Rich Comments (1)  

   messageicon Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal have broken up. In other news, Taylor Swift has started writing her next album.
←Rate | 01-04-2011 23:38 by @Jason_Vasquez Comments (1)  

   messageicon Dear God, I think you're taking this Angry Birds game a little to the extreme.
←Rate | 01-04-2011 23:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wii should make beer pong... tired of losing to my son in all the games HE'S good at
←Rate | 01-04-2011 23:16 by levon Comments (3)  

   messageicon Dear Santa, Let me explain about last year..
←Rate | 01-04-2011 22:38 by Anemma Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently riding the dog like it's a small horse is FROWNED UPON in this ESTABLISHMENT!
←Rate | 01-04-2011 22:38 by Hot Tea Comments (0)  

   messageicon When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?
←Rate | 01-04-2011 22:35 by Anemma Comments (6)  

   messageicon Renaming my wifi network to 'Police Surveillance Van #2'. That should keep the neighbors peeking out the windows toes for a while
←Rate | 01-04-2011 22:21 Comments (2)  

   messageicon I ain't been around the world yet...... But I've been around the sun 24 times
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sarah Palin on fact-finding mission to Arkansas: "We need to find out why birds are dying before they can be shot."
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon On my 8th slice of pizza watching the bigget loser!! Time to make a change!! Where's the remote??
←Rate | 01-04-2011 21:37 by @psym0niedk9 Comments (0)  

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