Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The awkward moment when your laughing at a joke then you realise its about you
←Rate | 03-22-2011 09:54 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The Dentist is the only man certified to say to a woman, "Lay down, relax, open wide, say ahh, now spit."
←Rate | 03-22-2011 09:46 by Sierota Comments (0)  

   messageicon AT&T and T-Mobile are getting married, There will be no reception.
←Rate | 03-22-2011 09:26 by Me Comments (0)  

   messageicon We all have a lil devil and an lil angel on our shoulders... Only problem is my lil devil is a hypnotist...
←Rate | 03-22-2011 09:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon   Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens.
←Rate | 03-22-2011 05:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For fun, I like to tase people at renissance fairs, it makes me feel like an evil wizard.
←Rate | 03-22-2011 03:40 by Jimmie Watkins Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sammy Hagar says he was abducted by aliens. I thought he was an alien.
←Rate | 03-22-2011 03:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so awesome that before I was born, my mother had an ultrasound, and they asked for a sequel.
←Rate | 03-22-2011 00:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon God's little inside joke..Give a man a heart & feelings that can be crushed in a matter of seconds.
←Rate | 03-22-2011 00:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm Not Walking With My Head Down Because I'm Sad, My Head Is Down Because I Want To Be The First Person To Find Whatever You Lose.
←Rate | 03-22-2011 00:11 by EricAldayMotley Comments (0)  

   messageicon Go to google, type in 'giraffes are' and check out the auto complete suggestions...
←Rate | 03-21-2011 22:52 by RikkiSowtz Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‎"Hello? George? This is Barack. I need to talk to you about Libya..."
←Rate | 03-21-2011 22:48 by JRF Comments (0)  

   messageicon You decided to show your true colours.....guess I didn't like the painting.
←Rate | 03-21-2011 22:45 by @Manny_Minaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon AT&T should make a commercial with the pink dress girl naked and say, hey tmobile where is your clothes? And the girl can say you bought it right off my back.
←Rate | 03-21-2011 22:31 by Dopey420 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hahaha AT&T bought out t mobile. After all the hating on tv, they sold out, shows how much better your 4g network is.
←Rate | 03-21-2011 22:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon AT&T is buying T-Mobile for $39 billion. It was a tough call for AT&T, but then again—EVERY call is a tough call for AT&T.
←Rate | 03-21-2011 21:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a man tells you he deleted those pictures off is phone....he didn"t delete them.
←Rate | 03-21-2011 21:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to a disco last night. They played the twist, I did the twist, They played jump, I jumped. They played "come on Eileen"...I got kicked out for that one.
←Rate | 03-21-2011 20:40 by SlowMotionNinja Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I was homeless I would enter various resturants and yell "FOOD FIGHT!"
←Rate | 03-21-2011 20:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever met a girl who you instantly know you shouldnt be talking too but you still do it anyways. Me either.
←Rate | 03-21-2011 19:50 by E. Comments (0)  

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