Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "I before E, except after C." Disproved by science.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 19:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon lost the key to my imagination, and now I can't start my unicorn
←Rate | 04-10-2011 19:38 by Elbow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tonight at 11: A channel 3 exclusive - How a dangerous game of peekaboo sent two children to the ICU.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 19:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
←Rate | 04-10-2011 18:49 by smeebert Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you need a car that dose the parallel parking for you then you should NOT be driving to begin with .
←Rate | 04-10-2011 18:47 by ff1241 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The best engine in the world is the vagina. It can be started with one finger. It is self lubricating. It takes any size pistonAnd it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so tempermental."
←Rate | 04-10-2011 18:11 by Average joe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Conscience is that inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon t pisses you off when your wife gets pregnant,everyone rubs her belly & says "congrats!" but nobody rubs your d*ck & says "Good Job!"
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:49 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The Comedy Awards is on tonight, don't know what category it would be in but the Rebecca Black video needs to be nominated for SOMETHING!
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Clearly - Tiger Woods is getting laid again......
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:45 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tiger's best 18 holes since Elin found out about the other 18 holes he was playing...
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon April Fools' Day was the worst day ever to have a heart attack
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never say never...Unless someone asks if you're going to see the new Justin Bieber film
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:39 by Destin Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:37 by Dstiny Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friends don't let friends get tagged in pictures which can cause breakups.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:36 by dstny Comments (0)  

   messageicon My internet is so slow today that it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:34 by Dstny Comments (0)  

   messageicon My sister came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Playstation.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:31 by Destiinyy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't give a crap, But If I did give out crap. You'd be the first person I'd give it to
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:28 by Destiny. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it so hard for to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:27 by Destiny. Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around in random items.
←Rate | 04-10-2011 17:23 by Destiiny. Comments (0)  

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