Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I need constant reassurance, right?
←Rate | 02-19-2011 22:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Best episode of CSI ever, If only I have the power to turn things into reality... Justin Bieber would be dead for good!
←Rate | 02-19-2011 22:19 by tracy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet cannibals were really disappointed by elbow macaroni.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 22:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vene, Vidi, Vacuum. I came, I saw, It sucked.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 22:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the waitress doesn't have a visible tattoo the restaurant is usually too expensive for me.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 22:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Despite their name, riot police don't have much of a sense of humor.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 22:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed. Chocolate makes it worthwhile.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 22:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I JUST SAW SOMETHING THAT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER. THREE SIMPLE WORDS....... ON NBC ..... "RIVERDANCE ON ICE"..... YOU HAD ME AT RIVER...
←Rate | 02-19-2011 20:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon at the zoo today with all the little kids running around, oh wait a minute its just Walmart.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 20:50 by Drew Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my angel of the morning to be naughty in evenings.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 19:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry, I didn't hear my phone ring. Your profile pic is too loud!
←Rate | 02-19-2011 19:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing some people can achieve on their own is dandruff.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fire hazards are never a good thing. Except maybe in golf. That would be awesome.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 18:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I get something stuck in my throat, I just dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager. It's called the Heineken Manoeuvre.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 17:42 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders if shaving one's head make one truly aerodynamic and thereby fuel efficient? And - can I claim that as a deduction on my taxes?
←Rate | 02-19-2011 17:20 by Charles323 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when you ask a person "do you miss me" and they respond by saying "Do you miss me". that mean there answer is going to depen on what your answer is, smh people.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 16:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don't tell my three year old his oversized black calculator isn't really an iPad. He'd be crushed to learn his dad lied to him.
←Rate | 02-19-2011 16:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stupid mistakes are made by others. I only make unavoidable errors
←Rate | 02-19-2011 16:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you want to speak to the woman in charge or to the man who knows what's going on?
←Rate | 02-19-2011 16:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
←Rate | 02-19-2011 16:27 Comments (0)  



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