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Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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   messageicon Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that's what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
←Rate | 09-14-2010 15:13 by greg2missy Comments (0)

   messageicon its peanut butter and jelly time !!!!
←Rate | 09-14-2010 14:37 by nolife Comments (0)

   messageicon My favorite sexual position: The Chilean miner. That's where you go down on me and stay there till Christmas.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 14:25 by Kobrah Comments (0)

   messageicon A couple is having sex and suddenly the boy stops and his girlfriend says "What are you doing?" The boy says "I've seen this on a porn once, it's called buffering"
←Rate | 09-14-2010 14:24 Comments (1)

   messageicon Are orphans allowed to watch PG movies?
←Rate | 09-14-2010 14:03 Comments (0)

   messageicon I bought a gps so my wife would quit telling which direction to I have two women telling where to go.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:56 Comments (0)

   messageicon How do you know if someone has an iPhone? They tell you.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

   messageicon No matter how old I get, I will always be overly excited when I receive a hand written letter in the mail.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

   messageicon loves waking up to a excited puppy at my bedroom door until I see her run off to the kitchen & realize that the only reason she is excited to see me is cause there is food on the counter & I sometimes give her my leftovers. Little BIOTCH.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:13 by @truebeachbabe Comments (0)

   messageicon talk is cheap, thats why everyone can afford it
←Rate | 09-14-2010 12:43 by @briscovery Comments (0)

   messageicon What do you call a thousand armed lesbians?... Militia Ethridge!
←Rate | 09-14-2010 11:59 by Boo Comments (0)

   messageicon Whats Brown and hides in the attic? The diarhea of Ann Frank!
←Rate | 09-14-2010 11:35 Comments (0)

   messageicon What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?.... Wipes his ass.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 11:31 by Boo Comments (0)

   messageicon Nightmare George Michael been sent to prison his going to be busy in them showers ...
←Rate | 09-14-2010 11:06 by gazzashepperton Comments (0)

   messageicon A freak can easily spot a freak even when proffesional business white collar attire
←Rate | 09-14-2010 10:53 by @seddy90 Comments (0)

   messageicon Some people live life in the fast lane. I have decided that I live it in oncoming traffic at night with no lights on. Welcome to my world, buckle up.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 09:41 Comments (0)

   messageicon Little known fact of the day: The tooth-brush was invented in Eastern Kentucky. My guess is, if it was invented any where else, it would have be called a teeth-brush.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 09:22 by bigedusw Comments (3)

   messageicon girl, your pants are so tight, I could read your lips!
←Rate | 09-14-2010 09:16 by Yaj Comments (0)

   messageicon brushing his tooth
←Rate | 09-14-2010 08:26 Comments (0)

   messageicon Ask the married guys is it worth the fn youve gotten for the fn your getting
←Rate | 09-14-2010 08:01 by mac Comments (0)

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