Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.

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   messageicon Rule #1 of the Internet: Nothing you put online, even for a second, can ever be taken down.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 15:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 15:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy? Or is it just her?
←Rate | 10-05-2010 14:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I realllllly want to pet a whale right now
←Rate | 10-05-2010 14:32 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I Think Someone From Eastenders Should Go And Kill Someone From Coronation Street.....What A Plot
←Rate | 10-05-2010 14:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles
←Rate | 10-05-2010 14:12 by lemonpillow Comments (8)  

   messageicon Computer Geek's Pickup Line: Is your name Google? No. Why? Because you have everything I've been searching for!
←Rate | 10-05-2010 14:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Boys have to put forth real effort to get laid, while all girls have to do is stand bra-less in the wind."
←Rate | 10-05-2010 13:29 by Dylan Bosch Comments (2)  

   messageicon ..Liverpool f.c. built by Shanks, played by planks, watched by cranks, and ruined by Yanks....... thanks..
←Rate | 10-05-2010 13:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishes Beiber's job would be exported to India.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 12:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like it when my girl plays the hard to get game with me, and ends up letting me have my way
←Rate | 10-05-2010 12:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just treated myself to a couple of chocolate fingers ..... That's the LAST time I buy cheap toilet paper.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 12:10 by jimbo Comments (0)  

   messageicon How does that old saying go.. Nice guys finish, In their hand?
←Rate | 10-05-2010 10:43 by boo Comments (0)  

   messageicon No! You cant have my Heart,the Doctor said i'll be dead without it.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon didn't wake up to meet your expectations, He/her woke up to go to the bathroom.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 09:30 by @stimpybjj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Theres no feeling as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment you realize that your finger just went through the toilet paper...
←Rate | 10-05-2010 09:28 by Madison McGuire Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I just gotta take a ride on the Dude Train
←Rate | 10-05-2010 09:11 by Rounders Comments (2)  

   messageicon Sometimes I keep my car windows down just to allow other drivers the opportunity to see such a handsome man.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 09:10 by Rounders Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish some1 would invent a pillow that has soap, deodorant, eggs, bacon, juice, my clothes & where I'm suppose to be already in it.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 08:49 Comments (1)  

   messageicon just seen Roy Hodgson speeding down the motorway at 140mph, with a splif in one hand a can of Carlsberg in the other. This fella will do anything for 3 points!!
←Rate | 10-05-2010 08:28 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

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