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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X I was in the work canteen the other day and started shaking salt all over my chicken. My work colleague looked over and said, "Would you like some chicken to go with that salt?" I replied, "Would you like some laughter to go with that joke?"
←Rate | 08-08-2010 18:20 Comments (0)

X People learn from history... which is why you should always delete it.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 18:15 Comments (0)

X is Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
←Rate | 08-08-2010 18:13 Comments (0)

X My wife said that she's going to leave me. But before she does, she is going to make sure that my bank balance is $0. That's nice of her, paying off my overdraft.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 18:12 Comments (0)

X is Aplogizing is like "whiteout". It covers the problem, but its still there.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 17:54 Comments (0)

X says Let's chug on down to Mambie-Pambie Land where we can MAYBE get you some Self-Confidence.... YOU JackWagon!!! (TISSUE??)
←Rate | 08-08-2010 17:33 Comments (0)

X If I get married I want it to be for all the right reasons, like needing health insurance and getting a tax break.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 15:38 Comments (0)

X Finally finished carving GOOGLE EARTH CAN SUCK IT into the a massive cliff. Now... we wait.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 15:38 Comments (0)

X Just hanging out in Washington DC. Anybody need any government while I'm out here?
←Rate | 08-08-2010 15:37 Comments (0)

X bathtub cleaned, condoms hid, fruit bought/displayed...bring on the parents!
←Rate | 08-08-2010 15:36 Comments (0)

X is amazed about how slow old people drive.That is until they see a parking spot at the mall of course.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 15:10 by Logan.T Comments (0)

X My son has painted the most beautiful mural. On the side of our house. His new family will be so proud.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 14:33 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

X Attention all teens get off facebook nd look 4 a job nd stop waitin for facebook to get you one
←Rate | 08-08-2010 14:07 Comments (0)

X Lady Gaga admitted that she does cocaine. Not really surprising news. What is surprising? She snorts it off her penis.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 14:06 by lemonpillow Comments (0)

X and then Buffy staked Edward. The end.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 13:44 Comments (0)

X says Montana Fishburne was a prostitue. Wow, a hooker AND a porn star! Or as Charlie Sheen would call her, “Perfect!”
←Rate | 08-08-2010 12:45 by The Legal Eagle Comments (0)

X When something good happens You drink to celebrate. When something bad happens You drink to forget. When nothing happens You drink because you want something to happen.
←Rate | 08-08-2010 12:05 Comments (0)

X That's what you get from putting a fat girl's ass in your face. That's how you get pink eye
←Rate | 08-08-2010 11:34 Comments (0)

X is preparing for school to start and the daily doses of Justin Bieber fever. Years ago it was Britney Spears and, yes, I wanted to hit her one more time. But with Justin...I just want to wrap a Silly Bandz around his hair to get it out of his eyes!
←Rate | 08-08-2010 10:43 by DonnaHumphries Comments (0)

X says teach you how to dougie ? how about I teach you how to pull up your pants
←Rate | 08-08-2010 09:37 by randygalaxy Comments (0)

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