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Funny Status Messages for Facebook

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
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X I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there's a movie I'd pay to see.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:48 Comments (0)


X The worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:46 Comments (0)


X I love bald men with no dress sense that make me feel bad about myself....I swear I will marry one...ok?
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:45 Comments (1)


X It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you have money.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:43 Comments (0)




X Just when you think you've finally hit the bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:42 Comments (0)


X Whenever I ask "Why me?... a voice always says, "So, who else did you have in mind?"
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:41 Comments (0)


X the one they are referring to when they say "there's one in every crowd..."
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:37 Comments (0)


X Some of you make impulsive, poorly thought out decisions. We should hang out more.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:36 Comments (0)


X I'm wondering what kind of loser spends Thursday night drinking and bragging about it on Facebook? Anyway, I'm totally drunk.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:34 Comments (0)


X Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:31 Comments (2)


X There's something about the Smart Car that makes me want to beat it up and take it's lunch money.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:31 Comments (1)


X Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA for "here's a pine tree and some nails."
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:30 Comments (1)


X You know what is the difference between promises and memories? We break promises, whereas memories break us.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:29 Comments (1)


X "Side effects may include constipation or diarrhea." So what you're saying is I may or may not give a sh*t.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:28 Comments (0)


X I love it when the one actually insane person in the office says, "call me crazy, but.." Because we totally DO!
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:27 Comments (0)


X Nothing pisses me off like a bird WALKING across a street. No it's cool. I'll wait. BTW You can FLY dumb@ss!
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:26 Comments (0)


X Making a pot of coffee so I can get ready to go out and have coffee.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:25 Comments (0)


X Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:25 Comments (0)


X The first thing I do on a computer that doesn't belong to me is go on Craigslist and see if the Casual Encounters link is purple or blue.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:24 Comments (0)


X Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:15 by jdpower Comments (0)


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