Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.

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   messageicon It rained today. I know this because I checked a few of the local outdoor web cams
←Rate | 11-07-2010 23:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking of misbehaving with you tonight, wanna come?
←Rate | 11-07-2010 22:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You want to know what chloroform smells like?
←Rate | 11-07-2010 22:09 by JimJR Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm watching extreme makeover: home edition in an attempt to invoke an emotion response from my cold and numb soul.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:44 by The FRED Comments (0)  




   messageicon Dear God.. If that cat puke on the floor disapears in the next 5 minutes, then I will except Jesus as my savior. Amen
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grandma complained no one ever calls so I put a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on her car. The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I donate .05 cents a day to a local charity. That way whenever someone tells me how great there day was I can say "Yeah, well I donated to charity"
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men suck... Sent from Kitchen
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I am a dinosaur.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:09 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a McRib today. My toilet just waved a white flag.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 20:07 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon as the great philospher Jagger said...."you can't always get what you want.."
←Rate | 11-07-2010 19:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon NFL= National Flag League
←Rate | 11-07-2010 19:40 by mhenry Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just lost my self respect at the Golden Corral.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 19:29 by Joshman Comments (2)  


   messageicon I've gotta have more people in my life that love my elbows.. .
←Rate | 11-07-2010 19:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have found that 99% of the time, the book is better than the movie. The 1% that is not, is porn.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 18:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dont use that tone of text with me!
←Rate | 11-07-2010 18:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon - Video Games don't make children violent. Lag does.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 18:16 by trickz100 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was watching some trailers at my local cinema when to my surprise a movie came on.
←Rate | 11-07-2010 17:23 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any other use of this status or any pictures, descriptions, or accounts of the status without the NFL's consent is prohibited
←Rate | 11-07-2010 15:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OH SH*T I TURNED MY CLOCK BACK TO FAR ITS 1984 I JUST PUT ON MY WHAM HALF SHIRT AND I'm GOING TO THE ARCADE.......TTYL
←Rate | 11-07-2010 14:17 Comments (0)  



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