Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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   messageicon Good morning. Are you having TSA fantasies?
←Rate | 11-19-2010 07:51 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope every school yard bully finds the kid from the Toyota Highlander commercials and mercilessly beat him.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 07:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinking we need to change the term "Big Brother" to "Creepy Uncle."
←Rate | 11-19-2010 07:32 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone who says onions are the only vegetable that can make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 07:14 by Master Weeg Comments (0)  

   messageicon is hoping for some Salem style mayhem before having to sit through another Harry Potter snorefest.....Gandalf still owes me 8 bucks for the last one.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 05:04 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want my boss to tell my coworker to shave her mustache! If I have too she has to too.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 04:05 by Herbncheese/oscar Comments (1)  

   messageicon Auto correct can go straight to He'll
←Rate | 11-19-2010 01:42 by Zack Comments (0)  

   messageicon As promised to Obama, Indians are creating jobs for americans. First recruit is Pamela anderson in Big Boss Season 4 ( Paid whooping USD 10 M per day for 3 days)
←Rate | 11-19-2010 01:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook will soon have to come with a warning label so they don't get sued! "Warning Facebook may cause some losers to stalk their ex's and cause them to have an asthma attack. If you have a tendency to be a stalker please do not use Facebook!"
←Rate | 11-18-2010 23:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not asleep... but that doesn't mean I'm awake.
←Rate | 11-18-2010 23:43 by TC Comments (0)  

   messageicon was looking for a date on Craigs list only to find out that "420 friendly" did not stand for maximum weight limit.
←Rate | 11-18-2010 22:48 by ff1241 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm Your Huckleberry
←Rate | 11-18-2010 22:19 by J Migas Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today, no one wished me a happy birthday. I'm not suprised, today isn't my birthday
←Rate | 11-18-2010 22:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CoD...... Keeping teenage pregnancy down, since 2003.\
←Rate | 11-18-2010 21:43 by Alex King NZ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Macaroni would be nothing if it weren't for cheese. Cheese, on the other hand, doesn't need macaroni to stay pimp. I think we all know who wears the pants in the macaroni and cheese relationship.
←Rate | 11-18-2010 21:07 Comments (1)  

   messageicon If things aren't going right, go left
←Rate | 11-18-2010 21:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We need to quit worrying about small pox, and start worrying about big pox
←Rate | 11-18-2010 21:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nobody loved poor Rudolph, until his birth defect served a purpose...nice story for the kids
←Rate | 11-18-2010 19:32 by tmdavies31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon found out that if you play a Justin Beiber album backwards, you hear satanic messages. What's even worse is, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Bieber...
←Rate | 11-18-2010 19:31 by MikeM Comments (0)  

   messageicon if Winter was alive, I would hunt it down and kill it..."
←Rate | 11-18-2010 19:12 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  

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