Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4312 of 6447

The people made of chocolate from the Hershey's commercials freak me out...
←Rate |
11-12-2011 21:25 by Ru
Comments (0)

If a stripper has company, does she offer them two cups of T and some A?
←Rate |
11-12-2011 21:09
Comments (0)

Did you that a slug has 3,000 teeth and four noses. Beating out Michael Jackson and Joan Rivers by eight teeth.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 21:07
Comments (0)

I heard on the news that a man was arrested for having sex with a picnic table. I hope he was wearing a condiment.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 20:59
Comments (0)

Nothing says you almost got caught watching porn like staring at an empty Google search bar..
←Rate |
11-12-2011 20:33 by g0re
Comments (0)

Blood is thicker then water, but maple syrup is thicker then blood. Therefore pancakes are more important than family
←Rate |
11-12-2011 20:28 by g0re
Comments (0)

The best way to end an argument is to let your opponent scream out a statement and reply by throwing up your hands and saying, "That's exactly what I've been trying to tell you!" and then walking away.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 20:27 by g0re
Comments (0)

Sorry girls L.O.V.E dosn't stand for "legs open very easy"
←Rate |
11-12-2011 20:14 by Kian
Comments (0)

After several experiments I've determined it's impossible to overdose on cheese
←Rate |
11-12-2011 20:08 by Rob K
Comments (0)

would agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 19:52 by Maureen
Comments (0)

When a mime dies, do mourners ask for a moment of talking?
←Rate |
11-12-2011 19:42
Comments (0)

Did you hear that Apple is developing a new Alternative Gas Source that everyone can help contribute to? They are going to call it the iFart.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 19:22
Comments (0)

Dr. Joyce Brothers says crying after sex is perfectly normal. Especially if it was sex with her.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 19:12
Comments (0)

You know you've finally matured when you stop asking for money to use on the bubblegum machines at Restaurants.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 18:07
Comments (0)

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 17:42 by LauraP
Comments (0)

Ladies: Guys don't care if the carpet matches the drapes, but they prefer bare hardwood...
←Rate |
11-12-2011 17:10
Comments (0)

When I flush the toilet I like to yell "SH!TS GOING DOWN!!!" in my best gangster voice.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 16:36
Comments (0)

Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeaaaa... LMFAO :D

Does anyone know the name of that one song that doesn't have Pitbull in it?

The owner of the local movie theatre passed away. His funeral will be at 2, 4:30, 7 and 10.
←Rate |
11-12-2011 12:53 by Aaron
Comments (0)