Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4300 of 6371
I just gave a cow $5 and it didn't do anything. Cow tipping isn't as much fun as everyone says it is!!
←Rate |
10-28-2011 19:52
Comments (0)
Just found a $5 bill in some old pants from middle school...Do you know how many rectangle pizzas with the cube pepperoni I could have bought with that?? Or better yet some mutha-f^ckin Chicken Rings...
Would I bring a knife to a gunfight? Sure. Maybe some potato chips, too. I mean, they were kind enough to invite me to their fight.
←Rate |
10-28-2011 18:33 by flinnie
Comments (0)
If I ever get as excited about the McRib as the people in the commercials do....SLAP ME!
←Rate |
10-28-2011 17:22 by K-Mac
Comments (0)
Ok, Time to play word scrabble. "PNEIS"! Did you get spine? Like hell you did, you pervert
←Rate |
10-28-2011 16:56 by Muzammil
Comments (0)
Beer $10. Weed $20. Condoms. $2.75. Finding out she swallows & has no gag reflex....Priceless!!!! F*** MasterCard, it pays to Discover
←Rate |
10-28-2011 16:05
Comments (0)
It's annoying when girls take pictures in glasses and they're like "I'm a nerd". Like shut up you're not a nerd you're just a slut with glasses on.
←Rate |
10-28-2011 15:56 by g0re
Comments (0)
Awesome idea: On Halloween, order a pizza to get delivered to your house When the delivery guy gets there, pretend you think he's a trick or treater and comment on how he looks like a real delivery person. Give him candy.
←Rate |
10-28-2011 15:47 by g0re
Comments (0)
so you need at least 4 characters and a Capital to make a password. I hope I remember DonaldDuckMickeyMouseMineyMouseGoofyParis to log onto my emails!
←Rate |
10-28-2011 15:19
Comments (0)
"Bromance" should be a relationship status on facebook.
←Rate |
10-28-2011 15:17 by g0re
Comments (0)
I dont hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank.
←Rate |
10-28-2011 15:16 by g0re
Comments (0)
Dear Girls: No need to wear a costumy for Halloween. Just remove the make up and go to the party!
←Rate |
10-28-2011 13:55
Comments (0)
The only candy I'm interested in tonight swings from a pole and has daddy issues
if it were black girls the show would be called 12 and pregnant.
←Rate |
10-28-2011 13:27
Comments (0)
I had my mom get me some condoms once. I told her I used them to keep my cigarettes dry at the beach. She went to the pharmacist and asked for some. Wise guy asked, "What size?" She said, You know, for a camel!"
←Rate |
10-28-2011 13:14 by Mick F
Comments (0)
Q: why do military men wear uniforms at their weddings??.... A: to be prepared for "The Battle" afterwords...
←Rate |
10-28-2011 12:14
Comments (0)
I found my girlfriend dead the other day. She just laid there lifeless so I decided to boink her one last time. Then all of a sudden she jumped up and shouted 'BOO!' I swear some people are just sick in the head!
←Rate |
10-28-2011 11:35
Comments (0)
read McDonald's McRib sales are leading the charge for rebuilding the American economy. Sliding in second: toilet paper.
wants to point out that it's not my fault that I never could learn to accept responsibility.
←Rate |
10-28-2011 11:02 by markf
Comments (0)
confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
←Rate |
10-28-2011 10:58 by markf
Comments (0)