Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If there is a good chance your son will go to prison as an adult , don't name him Vivian .

   Im not fat at all, I just enjoy washing dishes in my belly button

   I'm wearing my pants today at half mast....are you??

   celebrating MLK day by drinking MILK and eatin' some cookies...

   I hate it when feelings get in the way of smart decisions.

   IDKFA! <---if you remember what this did then your unstoppable

   I hate to admit it, but I've got a serious drinking problem. I don't have any more money to buy liquor.

   When the fake-thunder sound effect goes off in the produce section, I know it's time to urinate on the lettuce.

   go into a crowded room, shout, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?" whoever turns around and answers is a bad person.

   I hate it when foreign numbers call my cell asking: "Hi, who is this??" ...You're the one that frickin called, why don't you tell me?

   Deny,Deny,Deny..If they aint got pictures,they aint got sh*t!

   "You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that" Sincerely your Ex

   Steven Tyler singing the national anthem proves he needs a band behind him....he cannot sing.

   Kristen Chenoweth, an actress........way better than Steven Tyler, a "singer".

   Watching American Idol and I was really hoping that first girl could sing.

   Tweeted ten different puns hoping atleast one would get a Retweet. Alas, no pun in ten did

   has no problem GETTING it together, I just can't KEEP it together

   wondering if the dude who went postal back in the day went through the same crap I'm going through today...

   Tragedy strikes Honah Lee, Puff the Magic Dragon was found dead by the sea. Not a good start to the year of the dragon.

   After years of being called 'behind the times', I've finally got a trendy haircut. Just check out my profile pic on MySpace, losers! (