Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Before you go in and fight for something, just make sure its worth the effort and time.

   long distance works is something High School Seniors made up to get laid before they go to college

   for your information, I only had 1 winekiller captain buzzcooler!

   UPDATE: As Hurricane Irene prepares to batter the East Coast, federal disaster officials have warned that Internet outages could force people to interact with other people for the first time in years.remember an interaction is just like a series of fb upd

   One of my first jobs job was at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

   Disappointed that Lady Gaga did not show up this year at the VMA's, I was really looking forward to my Grand Slam.

   So Lady Gaga, goes to the VMA's as alter ego Jo Calderon. I guess the thought of her being a Denny's menu item was not manly enough...!

   asks..what's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

   Sad 60's Self Realization:Most of the people who used to call you a Space Cowboy, a Gangster of Love, and Maurice now call you a Sad Hippie Has-Been.

   Hi, I'm Troy Mclure. Your reading this in my voice, aren't you?

   I blame movies for my high expectations in relationships

   What do I say to some poor schmuck who tells me he can out insult me on line? Nothing. I have a hard time talking while laughing hysterically.

   Some people don't fall in love; they drown in it.

   "Coming to a theatre near you", Blonde Moment: OMG, how do they know where I live?

   Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are one and the same.

   If there is no element of madness, then its not love.

   Do what's right to do, not what you're told to do.

   A vegan, a cross-fitter, and an atheist walk into a bar. Who does the bartender shoot first?

   Ladies, if Josh Duggar says he "loves you like a sister"... RUN!!

   We played our sports shirts and skins style in gym class. Whenever it was the guys turn to be shirts the girls won.