Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm not saying the mainstream media is liberal, but I'm pretty sure I just saw NBC congratulate President Obama on defeating The Rapture.

   has anyone seen that billboard talking about the rapture??? if not, its been posted to my wall at least 75 times in the past hour. come take a look.

   was really hoping the rapture was coming to take away all the people that believed this rapture was real.

   Right hook!! Right hook!! Body blow!! Body blow!! Uppercut!! Uppercut!! the last entry in "Glass Joe's" diary....

   That awkward moment when your friends gets in the club and you don't...lol...

   I take my garbage & recycling to the curb 2 days before pickup just to see if the neighbors are actually paying attention to anything else sinister I may be up to and answer, “No; pickup is tomorrow, I'm quite sure of it.”

   What a great world it would be, if the only complaint was bugs on the windshield.

   Before putting any money down on a championship game, always check with the hat makers, they always get it right.

   Am I the only one that thinks Snookie is starting to look like an Umpa Lumpa from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

   you didn't make it to my present or future cause i'm passed your bullsh*t

   I tripped over the "Hump" in Hump Day and landed face first into Thirsty Thursday. Time to pick myself and my drink up so I can fall into Friday.

   I want a BANG. "Bright Attractive Non-Nagging Girl."

   I bought the new Kurt Cobain Bobble Head doll....but now the d@mn head keeps popping off it.....

   i almost rather burn than have to change my smoke detector battery

   I can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi, or right and wrong for that matter.

   when you see her name on dialled , missed and receive calls , you know she is your girl friend

   There's so many ways the world could end. Like maybe Dinosaurs come back from holiday & kill us all.

   BAD DAY I feel like Kylie Minogue - but without the fame, talent or charisma. OMG! I'm Danni Minogue!!

   If you could be sold for what you think you're worth, we could all retire!

   Some people have to realize that not everyone was made with a good singing voice...if they were, life would just be one big musical.