Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. If you follow your heart you'll never go wrong.

   Oh, I'm sorry....I didn't realize you were giving me a dirty look, I thought you were that ugly all of the time.

   Where you find true friendship, You find true love.

   Democrats...Republicans...News Media....Racial tension....let's put the blame where it belongs....THANKS EVE, HAVE "ANOTHER " APPLE !!!!!

   You can safely say you live in the ghetto when you open your front door to the smell of hotdogs.

   just discovered a great motivator for dieting. I just tried on my bikini's I plan on wearing this summer.

   WOW!!!! Kirk Douglas looks better then Larry King.

   Urban Outfitters clothes size exchange rate,  XL=94 pound 5th grader...

   Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

   Lindsey Lohan is on the back burner now, her comment..."oh no he didn't"

   thinking of doing something to somebody that involves high pressure hose, cat litter, a modified cheese grater and a small brown Chihuahua named "Larry"

   I just recieved my "Magic Jack" as seen on TV. It's important to listen and pay attention. Evidently this "Magic Jack" is some phone/internet crap!

   Charlie Sheen on his carefree spending, to TMZ: "Blame the studio for giving me this much dough knowing who they were giving to." Who would have thought that giving an actor with a history of drug problems $2 MM an episode would have turned out badly.

   Wish my Granny had facebook. Havent chatted with her in a while

   Your silence is golden because the words you said before are tarnished with lies.

   when someone posts "Just some exciting news!" Don't comment or "like". Thats what they want you to do. Just wait it out. They will post what the news is soon enough.

   Charlie Sheen is like an old kung fu movie, his mouth stops moving but he still keeps talking.

   Joe Rogan is to MMA as Pocket Knife is to ear cleaning?

   My Take on Glee: So it's people singing, dancing, and having sex, all with a guy in a wheelchair watching. Kinda like an orgy at Larry Flynt's house.

   I swear, it's like I'm creating FB statuses with my brother's kids or somethin'. You nerve-wrackin' sons-a-b!tches.