Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonders if retail stores in Afghanistan have a hard time taking inventory because of the tally ban.

   thinks that this is finally some "change" we can believe in............failing!

   just went to the book store to buy a wheres wally book. when I got there I couldn't find him anywhere. well played wally, well played

   thinks his disco stick is available for riding on but is not 100% sure what a disco stick even is

   Got bit by a mental patient tonight at work. This may be my last message that makes sense, as I am starting to believe the CIA is watching everyhting I type and that these voices are pretty cool to hang out with.

   trying to figure out this "cook book of life". I got the ingredients... I just dont know the recipe.

   "Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow, we must fail in order to know, Sometimes our vision clears only after our eyes r washed away wid tears."

   thinks there is nothing worse than accidently sitting on your reeses peanut butter cup at the beginning of your work shift.

   have a pheasant plucking day

   Oh April Fool's day, where everyone teeter-totters between brilliance and insanity. Welcome to my World!!

   I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

   My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

   Did you ever have the feeling that you wanted to go and still had the feeling that you wanted to stay?

   Why do people point at a clock and say “Is that the time?” and your thinking, “Nah mate its a Hamburger, Have a Bite

   Sometimes I wonder if my homeowners insurance will cover the destruction my 3 and 5 year old can do in a short period of time, I look at the mess and think to myself- Had an F5 hit my place- at least the debris would be in my neighbors yard

   if that groundhog sees its shadow your gunna see its dead carcass..

   I guess tomorrow they're going to change the little guy's name to Punxsutawney Popsicle.

   Just got a new puppy! I named him Go away, poor little guy is going to be so confused everytime I call him.

   I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I'm going to smile.!

   that Punxsutawney Phil, or are you just happy to see me?