Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

   I really don't give a flying fig WHO is in the Super Bowl. I just want to know who's hosting the party.

   I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

   I don't take anything you say seriously. You're just an idiot who has internet access.

   Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!

   Did you ever have the feeling that you wanted to go and still had the feeling that you wanted to stay?

   Why do people point at a clock and say “Is that the time?” and your thinking, “Nah mate its a Hamburger, Have a Bite

   Sometimes I wonder if my homeowners insurance will cover the destruction my 3 and 5 year old can do in a short period of time, I look at the mess and think to myself- Had an F5 hit my place- at least the debris would be in my neighbors yard

   if that groundhog sees its shadow your gunna see its dead carcass..

   I guess tomorrow they're going to change the little guy's name to Punxsutawney Popsicle.

   Just got a new puppy! I named him Go away, poor little guy is going to be so confused everytime I call him.

   I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I'm going to smile.!

   that Punxsutawney Phil, or are you just happy to see me?

   Listen, I don't take my clothes off for anyone, even if it IS "artistic."

   With so many interceptions you'd think we were watching Brett Favre play.

   Looks like Mr. T and Flav O Flav had a baby and he is one of the Black Eyed Peas!!

   too avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation.

   This just in.. Governor Mary Fallin has just signed legislation naming the penguin as the new State Bird of Oklahoma...

   went to the head office of the RSPCA its so tiny you couldn,t swing a cat in there

   I'm celebrating Egypt's freedom by eating the top of the food pyramid all day.