Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks that earthquakes might get the wrong impression by us scoring them. Perhaps our invention of the Richter scale has insited them to try harder for a perfect 10!

   If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button

   Bear Grylls. His name is what he eats... and how he cooks it.

   the one who told him that you had a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that he had in February of last year.

   tired of my abacus's running away from me, I need one I can count on!

   I came into a girls house, those stains never went away

   a vegetarian, not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!

   wondering if when geriatrics Roger Daltry and Pete Townshend sing, "Who are you?" it has a whole different meaning now.

   who needs LSD when you have Dumbo on dvd?

   Sometimes it's just easier to pay someone else than to try to do it yourself....Especially when that something is Proctology

   Maybe if we chirp loud & long enough about Toyota's not being able to stop, we'll forget about our crappy North America cars that won't start.

   It's mind over matter. I don't mind because you don't matter.

   All mankind's inner feelings eventually manifest themselves as an outer reality.

   pretty excited about coming on Facebook until he/she saw you were online.

   The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

   Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

   Drinking Heinekin Light and Eating Fat Free Doritos. Gotta get ready for beach season!

   Men,, we age like fine wine, women on the other hand age like milk,,, I hope you like yogurt

   Son of a GOD!!! SACHIN!!! Couldn't beleive my eyes when I saw 200 not out next to Sachin Tendulkar. Another unbreakable record added to d list.

   there a toilet in your mouth or are you just talking crap again?