Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I remember when I was young and couldn't wait to grow up so I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted... Ask me how's that working' out?(OK,hun. I won't forget the trashman comes to tomorrow.) Gotta go Facebook my chores aren't done yet..

   I need to take a Wikileak

   Right now I feel like that one fry that somehow ends up in the onion rings.

   Getting in the Holiday spirit, just put Mistletoe in my wallet.

   feels like an Atari 2600 in a Playstation 3 world.

   When picking out a name for your kid make sure it's something you won't mind saying a BILLION times.

   it's nearing the festive season again and so just a reminder that a doggy is not just for christmas, it's a great position all year round!

   Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday... Your middle name wouldn't be Ronny would it ,Jo?

   Trying to find a website with all the WikiLeaks information just in case they also have Santa's naughty list!

   Some relatives are like seeing Santa; you only care to see them once a year.

   Using a stapler and duct tape sure makes wrapping presents easy....

   I struggle every time someone says "I want the truth" not to tell them "you can't handle the truth!"

   I hate when people put every detail of everything they do on here! I don't want to know about what you are doing at every moment, be right back I have to poop!

   If I haven't seen you naked enter your name below so we can sort this problem out :P

   Before I was married I had three theories about raising children...now I have 3 children and absolutely no theories!!

   hopes Santa got Charlie Brown a football tee this year.

   For this is a special time when family And friends get togetherfor fun. Wishing laughter and fun to cheer your days, In this festive season of holidays and always!!!

   I have deja moo... the feeling I have heard this bull before.

   Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson (Good Luck to those playing the powerball!!)

   Relax everyone...My pink flamingo is still standing in my front yard...I think it's over now.