Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?

   Apparently a vacation is more important than honoring our fallen soldiers at Arlington....But don't worry, Obama will be back in DC next week to rub elbows with his celebrity friends as they honor Paul McCartney's many accomplishments. Jerk!

   A Glimpse by defintion, is an impermanent thing!

   I think the american people should be allowed to show the BP executives and some of these clowns in our government just what a true "JUNK SHOT" is

   When the forecast mentions isolated thunderstorms, I always think, "Why so emo, thunderstorm?"

   If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque book

   Saying "Let me call you back" is just a nicer or rather messed up way for a woman to say she doesn't wanna talk to you.

   Impotence: Nature's way of  saying  'No hard feelings...' 

   coming up with a funny status update is overated.. be content with this one..

   Lather, Rinse, Repeat ... that's how they GET YOU !!!

   My wife tells me I have A.D.D., that stands for Attention Deficit, hey it's beginning to storm outside.

   Two eyebrows are better than one.

   Even if you preface it with "I think strippers smell nice", saying "You smell like a stripper" has a way of being misconstrued.

   It's official: Sarah Palin has now written more books than she has read.

   Holocaust jokes aren't funny, Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it ...

   Something women would NEVER say: "This diamond is too big"

   I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one

   it's not illegal it's frowned upon

   People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they're al the same

   What seperates the men from the boys is the price of their toys.