Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm hearing that the founder of Friendster is donating like $75 to the University of Phoenix.

   finds it helpful to organize chores into categories: Things I won't Do Now, Things I Won't Do Later, and Things I'll Never Do.

   KARMA: Smackdown of the Gods!

   Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

   If your in my circle, Congratulations your a HAPPY person.

   I'm not a drunk. I just play one under the TV.

   No! You cant have my Heart,the Doctor said i'll be dead without it.

   Rule #1 of the Internet: Nothing you put online, even for a second, can ever be taken down.

   Life lesson # 243- Never try to cut the hair of a 16 month old child without anesthesia.

   If you only have one photo on you're Facebook you are either a spammer, or a loser, either way don't request me as a friend.

   I just heard that Randy Moss is writing his life story. He's only written two chapters and already he's finished an entire box of crayons. :)

   I always have the urge to ride one of those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

   i can spell, it's the grammer that I has a problem with

   A back-up plan means your first plan sucks.

   Turns out cloud 10 is actually the accumulated farts of everyone on cloud 9.

   Mr. Officer, I am not drunk. You are just witnessing sobriety that hasn't returned yet.

   so if you bug me for my number and I tell you my credit score...will you go away??

   Ah Man! Nothing worse than seeing two flies fornicating on your fresh off the grill, 12 dollar ribeye steak.....Appetite gone.

   you cant enjoy a fight without a foam finger.. .

   feeding the cat extenze..