Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why is the list of vision providers in 4.5 font? I know I need glasses; that's why I am looking for a provider. You don't have to rub it in.

   the inside of my car looks different sober!?

   O.K. so with the whole calorie burning thing...if your body burns so many calories when it is cold, trying to keep itself warm...then the trick to weight loss would be to go outside in little to no clothes on and "chill". wonder how long you hafta stand t

   I hate when reality stomps its filthy feet all over my happy place.

   I'm fat! If I stare at something too hard I break a sweat!

   Someone from Facebook Design should write about why they made the news feed font smaller. I just want to understand why.

   The Crimmus gift card. A perfect way to say you mean NOTHING to me, but at least you are off my list!

   So if I post a status on Facebook between 1:01am and 1:59am tomorrow does it disappear at 2:00am?

   I wish I could get as excited about anything as the dog does about going for a ride.

   Word of the day:FOCUS. If someone annoys the sh*t out of u, tell them 2 FOCUS.(F**k Off Cause Ur Stupid!!!!)

   "Lol" is not a message worth replying to.

   thinks The McRib is made of the same fat they injected in Lisa Rinna's lips.

   One for all and all of one..Translation- Every man for himself!!!

   "Has Anybody realized just how dirty Nutri Grain's Slogan(You Only Get Out What You Put In) is?

   my freedom, bless yours. Today, tomorrow and always.

   not here right now. if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, please buy me a cell phone.

   That's a low blow - and talking of low blows, how's your mother?

   Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

   did you just say something?Or did your brain fart!

   You know that movie where the guy needs to keep his adrenaline level up or he dies? My weekend was just like that, except the opposite.