Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Glad I noticed it's Ash Wednesday so I don't tell someone they have dirt on their forehead...

   Women are like cheese...They come in different shapes, colours, and with various sized holes. Mature one's have blue veins running through them....And they always go down easier with wine.

   Since Two And A Half Men has been cancelled Charlie Sheen should star in his own reality show titled Two And A Half Brain Cells ~ My Life Filled With Drunken Binges, Being Wasted On Cocaine and Paying For Expensive Hookers.

   If you wear diapers.. I'm pretty sure you're a liberal

   Ok gang, help me get in the loop. Is it considered taboo for Asians to drive vehicles other than a Honda or a Toyota?

   Just stared in horror at the contents of my son's diaper & asked him why he's doing this to our family.

   Smart phones, smart cars, smart everything... Where are all the smart people?

   10: I whip my hair back & forth. 16: I pass my blunt back & forth. 30: I drive my kids back & forth. 80: I rock my chair back & forth.

   I made it through 1/1/1, 2/2/2 all the way through 12/12/12! Whoo-hoo! I'm feeling pretty invincible....Bring on 13/13/13!!!

   April showers bring May flowers. And May flowers bring...pilgrims!!!

   Spray tans, for those who can't get a real tan because they think the sun shines out of their ass.

   Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Therefore, I am a potato.

   So rude of the Hamilton folks to boo Mike Pence, they should've kept it classy and picked out a disabled person in the crowd to make fun of.

   I am still boycotting all Marvel movies until they release the much needed and long overdue 'White Panther'.

   "I'M NOT RACIST, I DON'T LIKE BIDEN EITHER!!!"

   ...To be Continued

   hungry like the wolf.

   feeling strangely happy.

   Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez isn't hot enough to be that much of an imbeciIe.

   Biden didn't beat Trump. Trump beat Trump by being a complete clown. He ruined all the good that he accomplished by opening his big flaptrap one too many times.