Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

   congratulations to trayvon martin - almost one year staying out of trouble

   Dear americans: you DO know the rest of the world are laughing at you, don't you?

   Well Bobbi Kristina Brown did say she wanted to follow in her mothers footsteps.

   Jesus was the only man to return from the dead and not eat brains.

   staring at a Orange Juice box coz it says concentrate

   pumpkins are alot like men, there heads are hollow, there brains are mush, and after a few days, they start to smell funny:S

   what is with blind people always walking their dogs

   Happy National Tortilla Chip Day, enjoy the Mexican that's in you....and mow my yard while your at it.

   I would like to thank Jesus of Nazareth for the good deal I got on my tires and Jesus of Guatemala for the speedy service.

   A Real Man doesn't love a million girls, he loves a billion.

   Usually I am a loving person, but there are two things in this world I have failed to love, JUSTIN BIEBER AND TWILIGHT MOVIES.

   Ladies: Guys don't care if the carpet matches the drapes, but they prefer bare hardwood...

   Well you can kiss Richard Dawson goodbye...R.I.P

   I wonder what Susan Boyle got for Fathers Day.,

   I am on Buford Avenue and basically ready to wrestle anyone who's up for it. Or even not up for it.

   The fact that the voice in my head yells whenever I read something thats in all capital letter kinda DISTURBS ME.

   Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, fired from the company in 1985, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's your excuse?

   Your ass must be super jealous of all of the sh*t coming out of your mouth…

   I now know that asking "How 'bout those Packers" gets you a different response from gay men verses the straight ones.