Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   in the moment...

   the cost of living has gone up and the cost of making a living is really up.

   Whoever believes in that bamboo-laced China ballots, which was flown here story, please let me know? I just want to know who to laugh at.

   I had 3 bowls this morning. 1 of them was cereal...

   hey marshellll the greatttt, we all subscribed to dane cook on fb, looks like your cover is blown

   If my boyfriend doesn't stop snoring I'm going to fart in his face.

   Attention Herman Cain.....Democrats would love for you to win the Republican nomination. They have no need to go out and harm your campaign.

   what is six inches long and won't be getting sucked on valentines day? Whitney Houston's crack pipe...

   The Director of Obamacare just asked for FEMA assistance...

   Just heard Obama is going on a 9-day vacation, I just assumed he's been on vacation.

   I'll never understand why people admires behavior in a grown man that they would hate to see in a toddler.

   Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

   congratulations to trayvon martin - almost one year staying out of trouble

   Dear americans: you DO know the rest of the world are laughing at you, don't you?

   Well Bobbi Kristina Brown did say she wanted to follow in her mothers footsteps.

   Jesus was the only man to return from the dead and not eat brains.

   pumpkins are alot like men, there heads are hollow, there brains are mush, and after a few days, they start to smell funny:S

   staring at a Orange Juice box coz it says concentrate

   what is with blind people always walking their dogs

   Happy National Tortilla Chip Day, enjoy the Mexican that's in you....and mow my yard while your at it.