Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Enough with all the religious posts. You're just fighting over who has the better imaginary friend.

   Happy Friday!! And to all my Atheist and Agnostic friends out there... T_IF!!

   Obama has finally assembled a solid team. Unfortunately, it was for the Taliban.

   The 5th Commandment, Thou shall not kill...Murder. But isn't it funny that more people have been killed in the name of God then in any other event ever on this planet.

   It's weird how a crazy white woman gets away with murder and we STILL don't know who killed Tupac o.O

   ■Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.

   A cop pulls over a guy. He says "Sir your eyes are alittle glazed, have you been drinking?" The man replies "Gee officer your eyes look alittle glazed too, have you been eating doughnuts?"

   I think it's smart that Pittsburgh fans carry yellow crying towels to soak up their tears.

   No wonder you're so fat.......you're full of sh*t!

   in the moment...

   the cost of living has gone up and the cost of making a living is really up.

   Whoever believes in that bamboo-laced China ballots, which was flown here story, please let me know? I just want to know who to laugh at.

   I had 3 bowls this morning. 1 of them was cereal...

   hey marshellll the greatttt, we all subscribed to dane cook on fb, looks like your cover is blown

   If my boyfriend doesn't stop snoring I'm going to fart in his face.

   Attention Herman Cain.....Democrats would love for you to win the Republican nomination. They have no need to go out and harm your campaign.

   what is six inches long and won't be getting sucked on valentines day? Whitney Houston's crack pipe...

   The Director of Obamacare just asked for FEMA assistance...

   Just heard Obama is going on a 9-day vacation, I just assumed he's been on vacation.

   I'll never understand why people admires behavior in a grown man that they would hate to see in a toddler.