Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   when the truth is gone.. the relationship is over.

   If the world ends tomorrow. I feel like it was somehow Sarah Palin's fault.

   There is nothing worse than smelling something disgusting and you're sitting by yourself. Is it me? Is it blowing in through the window? Is there a corpse rotting in the corner?

   After seeing Jennifer Aniston new boyfriend, I just realized that possibly I did have a chance....

   .If you have someone great in your life hold on to them and pull them close and keep them tight to you,if not someone else will.

   OMG!!! Anthony Weiner's wife is pregnant. Talk about a weiner working overtime....

   The Awkward moment when this random person waves at you, so you wave back and then you figure out they where waving to the person behind you :O

   For most things there's MasterCard For everything else there's Vodka

   I have seen the future, and the future is mustache rides.

   Why does Bob Dylan sound like the Cookie Monster and Marge Simpsons love child?

   After an evening of being snubbed at the Grammys, Justin Bieber reportedly spent the entire day in his Snuggie, crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Humilated, Bieber was quoted as saying "I regret the day I was ever hatched"

   I think the biggest winner after the USA elections is Melania Trump who can finally call herself the first lady instead of the third wife.

   Interrsting Fact: If Hillary owned a building which caught on fire and killed a man, because there were no sprinkler systems in the building, people here would go through the roof.

   Trump Supporters in a basket? I guess that puts Hillary Supporters in the wood pile.

   A lot of southern states are celebrating Confederate Memorial day today(4/23) even though the official date is April 26. Confederate Memorial Day is a legal holiday observe in the southern states.

   A RECENT POLICE STUDY FOUND THAT YOU'RE MUCH MORE LIKELY TO GET SHOT BY A FAT COP IF YOU RUN....

   We Germans are happy to help and will give any American refugee who wants to flee from the US in case Trump becomes elected president

   God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, but He probably hired Steve to help decorate the garden.

   I wonder if Penn state is going to change there mascots name from the Nittany Lion, to the Penn state pedophiles?

   You know a girl has been recently dumped when she post stuff like, “I don't need any love from any man. I only need to love and be loved by ONE man. He is the Son of God, JESUS!”