Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   its saturday and cartoons are on!

   Facebook now lets you put a star on the people you want to follow more closely. I was going to do that until I realized... isn't that what Hitler did?

   Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

   "if you haven't gotten laid using facebook, you're doing it wrong" - 90% of facebook users

   I don't care what ANYONE says. He's MY dog, he's grown, & if he wants to get a tattoo, who am I to stop him?

   how did this happen? ----> amish-online-dating.com

   middle finger to all the b!tches that had me and played me like a fool.

   quietly ovulating.

   Whatever you are, be a good at it. Even strippers have career goals.

   Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? Its a formality..... Just like two boxers shaking hands before the bloody fight begins....!

   just watched 5 minutes of the maury show because I was too lazy to get outa bed and get the remote, feel like I lost 10-20 IQ points, from now on, gonna keep an emergency brick on the nightstand to throw at the tely in case this happens again

   Made eye contact with a cop on the platform as the train took off. I gave him the finger on principal.

   I made fun of a pale lady with red hair today and I finally saw a real ginger snap.

   Everyone has a 'vodka incident'

   I don't understand the language you are speaking. Can you shut the f*ck up in that same language?

   Imagine how much lag they had 2000 years ago: it took Jesus 3 days to respawn.

   To be or not to be is the question? Bull s**t I choose to be who, what, and how I want to be. Not to be what everybody else wants or expects me to be

   just got my girlfriend her valentines day gift.. shes gonna love her "tube of boob lube"

   Happy Groundhog Day! I hope this day dont repeat itself!

   On my way to the hospital. Just an FYI... Red Bull does NOT give you wings! It gives you a false sense of wings.