Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status just to freak people out… “hey, who knew they had wi-fi Down there?” 
| ( • )( • ) | Spongebob / ( • )( • ) \ Patrick ( (•)(•) ) Squidward | (•) | Plankton |•||•| Mr.Krabs
I saw a piece of s$it on the ground yesterday. It reminded me of you.
A much wittier reply came to mind immediately after I clicked the 'Share' button.
I want to work at a day spa, I bet I could give a hell of a facial!
I'm always thinking one step ahead...like a carpenter...that makes stairs
Only in a god-fearing state like Arizona, can you get pulled over, detained, and fined if your name is Jesus
Lady Gaga is a Yankees fan. Point: Mets.
...so, is it to soon to ask Whoopi Goldberg if she's heard from Patrick Swayze yet?
2014 was a good year, unless you were a brother resisting arrest, pointing a toy gun, selling illegal smokes or beating your lady...
what does hurricane Isaac and Kim Kardashian have in common? They'll both blow anything on the west coast just to get on tv...
Mosquito's and women are alike, except a mosquito will stop sucking when you slap it....
Biggest joke of 2017: Blake Shelton named sexiest man alive.
Donald Trump is proof of how dumb Americans have become.
Lohan who? I cant believe the news coverage being given to a spoiled 20-something yr old. Here are a few 20 yr-olds worth knowing about: Justin Allen 23, Brett Linley 29, Justus Bartett 27, This week they gave their lives serving out Country
Has FOX News blamed Obama for the missing Malaysian flight yet?
"Who Dat" if you think about the worst sports catch phrase of all time, I bet you can probably guess the demographic of the ones who coined it. Kinda sad if you think about it. It shows where the education levels are falling. Way to go Saints fans....
Let's face it America, Bernie is an angry, wrinkly old man who wears wrinkled old suits.
ONCE UPON A TIME there was a girl & a boy who loved each other then a slut came along & ruined everything. THE END!
If you play a Nickleback song backwards you will hear Satanic messages, even worse, if you play it forward you'll hear Nickleback 