Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm always thinking one step ahead...like a carpenter...that makes stairs

   2014 was a good year, unless you were a brother resisting arrest, pointing a toy gun, selling illegal smokes or beating your lady...

   what does hurricane Isaac and Kim Kardashian have in common? They'll both blow anything on the west coast just to get on tv...

   Mosquito's and women are alike, except a mosquito will stop sucking when you slap it....

   Biggest joke of 2017: Blake Shelton named sexiest man alive.

   Donald Trump is proof of how dumb Americans have become.

   Lohan who? I cant believe the news coverage being given to a spoiled 20-something yr old. Here are a few 20 yr-olds worth knowing about: Justin Allen 23, Brett Linley 29, Justus Bartett 27, This week they gave their lives serving out Country

   Has FOX News blamed Obama for the missing Malaysian flight yet?

   "Who Dat" if you think about the worst sports catch phrase of all time, I bet you can probably guess the demographic of the ones who coined it. Kinda sad if you think about it. It shows where the education levels are falling. Way to go Saints fans....

   Let's face it America, Bernie is an angry, wrinkly old man who wears wrinkled old suits.

   ONCE UPON A TIME there was a girl & a boy who loved each other then a slut came along & ruined everything. THE END!

   If you play a Nickleback song backwards you will hear Satanic messages, even worse, if you play it forward you'll hear Nickleback

   Dogs are truly mans best friend. If you dont believe me, lock your wife/girlfriend and dog in the trunk of your car. After a few hours go back and open it. Which of them is glad to see you?

   Bald people it's not ur fault, ur simply taller then ur hair

   I hate when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" Uh no B$tch, I'd also like all this invisible sh$t...

   To everyone on Facebook that plays Farmville or Cityville and sends me requests every hour of the day: Go hang yourselves.

   I want to know who Jimmy Fallon blew to get his late night TV show.

   I am the Electrical Engineer. Bring it on....

   When life throws ten problems at you, it also gives you a hundred reasons to be thankful. Give thanks to God! Have a very happy and safe Thanksgiving!

   Don't be a sexist, broads hate that.