Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes it's fun to use unnecessary amounts of anger: "Peter can I have one of your chips?" "no" "DAMN IT PETER, I WILL SH!T ON YOUR GRAVE!!"

   Herman Cain's "motorcade" down to a rental car and a fat kid on a trike

   I like to buy kids loud gifts and laugh at how annoyed their parents are gonna get

   The doctor said I have ADOLAB. Attention Deficit...Ooo! Look! A beer!

   Joe B. always looks like he suffers from an intestinal parasite.

   boom chackalacka chackalacka (3x)

   When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

   Fat girls are gross, there is nothing sexy about being unhealthy. Stop calling yourself curvy and go for a jog.

   If you're atheist so don't celebrate Christmas

   I am running for King in our next election, this president su - cks. . .

   There was shootings and stabbings surround the BET Awards? You dont say. In other news, meteorologist suggest it "may be hott" today in the Safari Desert.

   "instagram are you okay?" "yeah i'm vine" "what was that" "i said i'm fine"

   Gun Control: Use both hands.

   Celebrating Columbus Day by walking into some stranger's house and telling them I live there now.

   If your mouth is shut in all your pics, we assume that you have funky teeth!!

   Wave your hands in the air, if a bee is right there.

   RIP Ryan Dunn. I'd like to think you entered the afterlife being slingshot in a wheelbarrow.

   Home Alone = Porn at MAX Volume

   <----- threw a crate of Milk Duds all over the floor at a Weight Watchers meeting last night....It was the best game of "Hungry Hungry Hippos" I ever saw!

   February was $5 footlong month and black history month. Who is the evil genius behind that?