Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If love is blind, and hate is deaf, you would think stupid would be mute and yet she just keeps on talking...

   no those pants don't make you look fat, it's your ass that makes you look fat.

   if I had a peso for every lame mafia wars update you posted this week, I could afford to put a real hit on your azz!

   Why is the Ice-Cream truck playing the theme from "Deliverance," "Deueling Banjos?" No wait, it's "Music Box Dancer." Whew! The fact that I can name THAT tune is scary in its own right...

   instead of unfriending someone facebook should have an "I really F'ing hate you" button

   Beer is good for what ales you.

   If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration,i wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

   would like to remind everyone to Wang Chung tonight.

   I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

   wants you to remember the "Golden Rule"....whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

   If you can't multi-task, why should I. your computer

   logged into myspace, felt like I was cheating behind facebook's back

   every second becomes a minute, every minute becomes a hour but when your living it up every crazy sh#t you did in your life becomes the best memories.

   Who here thinks Kesha's your love is my drug the starting beat of it is like love game by Lady gaga

   every movie is practically comin out in 3d, maybe thats why I feel cross-eyed

   I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.

   To all you virgins.....Thanks for nothing!

   I just heard that Bernie beat Hillary. This is getting out of hand! At least Donald Trump doesn't beat women!

   Press 1 for English.....Who do I get? A Filipino speaking broken English....Sheesh! Hang up, try again.

   New Condom Slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's gonna get your paychecks.