Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Its not that I am rude or anything, but what do you expect when you ask me dumbass questions?

   pimpin hoes doesn't mean you have game, just means your own kind recognize you

   Sinners can undoubtedly be reformed, but stupid, stupid is forever.

   thinking..​.throughou​t history, there have been places where great and creative minds have gathered to become greater...​it is more than likely that facebook is not one of those places....

   if you have to ask how much that drink is, you probably shouldn't be drinking it

   I know I'm weird. I accept that.

   Do me a favour; make up your mind, before you mess with mine.

   You know your in the south when you can get your fried chicken and gas at the same store...

   Why thank you for the nausea Halitosis Man!... Hopefully you'll be around to save me with your super powered sh!t breath if I ever accidentally swallow poison.

   adjusting your boxers does not constitute playing with yourself.

   I make good girls go back to the ex they still have feelings for.

   All the angels in heaven are now playing Smart Harps.

   when captain morgan files his taxes for this year .... he's gonna claim me as a dependent

   It sucks whenever you hear a song you really like in public but you don't know the name of it.

   I just went in the bath room, turned the light off and said Bloodymary three times....nothing....ok I'm going back in, this time I'm saying Coors-light 3 times.

   I swear my ex girlfriend has weekly workshops with the devil. I just don't know how much he pays her.

   If you are asking me for directions in Spanish, you are likely to get lost in translation.

   I saw your new boyfriend. So what happened to your standards?

   a facebookworm

   "Leave It To Beaver" is what I am calling it...it's a club for distraught men that have a hard time dealing with women!!