santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.
←Rate | 12-23-2018 07:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.
←Rate | 12-25-2018 21:24 by JCGJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll be home for Christmas.....and in therapy by New Years.
←Rate | 12-08-2016 09:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is nothing stopping a condom company from saying they are the only condoms worn by Santa Claus
←Rate | 09-26-2019 05:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lady stabbed a guy singing Christmas Songs at the Mall. I bailed her out.
←Rate | 10-12-2019 12:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas tree by the lines of duct tape around the box it's stored in.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm 45 and I would still be tickled pink to wake up Christmas morning to a Barbie Dream House with accessories.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.
←Rate | 12-25-2019 11:09 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon This year my mother gave my son a drum set for Christmas. Which surprised me. I said to her don't you remember how you hated it when I played the drums when I was a kid? She replyed with a smile , I remember.
←Rate | 01-11-2020 19:06 by Starman Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 06:29 by Stan Brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon f you feel sad, remember: There are people out there right now buying last-minute Christmas presents for their cats.
←Rate | 12-22-2011 08:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon This "fancy" wine rack I got for Christmas is total crap. NONE of these boxes fit at all
←Rate | 01-29-2010 14:29 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt; others a pair of socks, and the argument always ends in a tie.
←Rate | 12-18-2011 11:07 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'll know I'm your "Secret Santa" when you dont get anything!
←Rate | 12-09-2010 21:13 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
←Rate | 06-16-2016 01:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
←Rate | 12-16-2012 20:19 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa I've been good all year! Ok most of the time. I Mean once in a while. Oh...F*ck it, I'll buy my own sh#t.......
←Rate | 11-30-2011 09:24 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says "Help, need ride!"
←Rate | 11-26-2012 10:34 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 13:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When cats and dogs finally rise up against us, the first thing they'll do is strap Santa hats to our heads and take pictures.
←Rate | 12-10-2011 06:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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