Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yes Mom, I can watch TV and be on the computer.

   I hate it when my inner child talks back to the voices in my head.

   I never text while I'm driving. I'm too busy putting on my makeup.

   true friends got your back not sit onthe couch and watch you get your ass kicked .

   I just had a Clark Kent moment, I didn't recognize you because you didn't have your glasses on.

   there is no validity to greatness achieved if not accompanied by humility....jr

   'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

   wondering,What ever happened to those scientists who said pot kills brain cells?

   The Royal Wedding: it's like a Steve Jobs Keynote, but for girls...

   what??!! hey buried Osama in the sea? Now will he get 72 virgin mermaids !!

   I guess Osama shouldent have used his real address on his PSN account

   wondering, can I still use the big stall if my handicap is being emotionally crippled?

   Dam you rapture this is exactly as my last crapy life..guess I'm in hell..!!!

   It's not often I write the word "bananas," but I always pause and thank Gwen Stefani when I do.

   • A short man is more appealing to women when he is standing on his wallet.

   if only I could lose weight as fast as I lose money

   A life worth living shouldn't be wasted on a life spent wanting....

   have you seen what facebook wants to do to the profiles now? zuckerberg needs a timeline of when he gave the ppl what they liked

   An average person thinks he isn't!!

   Usually, the easiest thing to do is say you are sorry. But there are times when you realise that in the face of what you have done, saying sorry is just so ridiculous.