Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I didnt have to pay any taxes id be rich too.

   Kids, watch out for Obama supporters! They'll take half your Easter eggs and give it to the kids who were too lazy to hunt for their own.........

   What's the difference between weather and climate? You can't weather a tree, but you can climate.

   How do you keep a New Orleans Saint out of your yard? Put up goal posts.

   "by himself, but not alone. "

   the reason therapists have to get therapy

   wonders if you can bring sexy back without a reciept.

   wants a Sunggie made out of ShamWow material

   America sacrificed its hero's to be free, so idiots like you can post stupid status

   What I learned from Gilligan's Island: You can go camping for five years wearing a pair of white pants and they will still look brand new.

   I hope the police take the Orange Man's advice and rough him up when he is finally arrested for being a Russian Spy.

   thinks real men should never say the words "sippy cup".

   just found out why the chicken crossed the road....it's really not that funny

   used to be legit. He was too legit. He was too legit to quit... but now he's not legit. He's unlegit. And for that reason, he must quit.

   The weather is such a slut, when its hot out it makes everyone take there cloths off, the wind is always blowing people, the rain make everybody wet, and the snow covers everybody in white stuff.

   Madonna picked to sing at superbowl halftime, cause if its one thing guys like is an old woman singing lame songs they hated the first time they heard them 30 years ago

   ‎"No diet will remove all the fat from your body, because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office."

   it did not taste like chicken at all

   If Casey Anthony writes a book called "If I did it", I will snap.

   What do you think it means if there's no fortune in your cookie?