Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   what a beautiful day, I think i'll work on the permanent indent on my couch..

   Muammar Gaddafi owns a house in New Jersey.....wow he really is crazy....hey Snooki, new meat.

   FYI - I just opened washing machine and found clothes, but no one was wearing them. Rapture, anyone???

   i wonder if this people who predicted the rapture are praying for an earthquake so they wont look stupid or praying for the end of the world to happen.

   I dont see how you can hate one night stands when you owe your existence to a one night stand yourself.

   When will one of our Allies step in and help us out ? Obama has done more damage here than any weapon of mass destruction ever could have !!

   Obama gets 12 stitches in his lip after basketball game. Impending war with North Korea but hey, let's shoot some hoops!!

   If we really want to keep our sensitive documents safe... Why don't we keep them with Obamas birth certificate?

   Why does a woman have two sets of lips? One to argue with and the other to apologize

   Gas prices have got everybody driving they're on probation: Straight to work and then strait home.

   They are making us take down American Flags off Bridges, Fire Trucks all across America! Watch, The National Christmas Tree is next, because it offends some people! Take back our Country before it's too Late!

   What's that white stuff Black babies rely on to live? - Taxpayers.

   lets party like its 2012....oh wait...

   Ever notice that our President's initials are B.O. makes sense because he stinks

   If you don't believe in same sex marrriage, don't marry someone of the same sex! It's simple! As for Gay adoption hurting Children? Since when is it better to be an orphan then to have two mommies? -_-

   millions of my potential children died on your sisters face last night!!

   Roses are red, violets are blue... I have a gun so get in the van.

   I went to go get some buffalo wings from KFC and they were completely sold out! I'm not surprised. After all, it is black Friday.

   it rude of me to ask the nice philipino girl at the new Comcast Call Center (in the phillipines) to transfer me back to America? She lied and said her name was Mary.. We all know her name was NOT Mary.

   been modified from his original version. He has been formatted to fit your Screen.