Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's annoying when you go to a birthday party and you know nobody there except the host/hostess, and the host/hostess doesn't even pay attention to you so you're just sitting there awkwardly.

   Life is hell when you're sober.

   August 2: the date when the federal government is forecast to hit the debt limit and see all new loans cut off. Falls during "Simplify Your Life Week." Really?

   walking by the gas price sign at the Gas station and remembers the day when he could afford to drive to the gas station for his slushy

   im two short of a three sum. wheres ben&jerry?

   at least the news will make ppl shut the f**k up bout the "royal wedding"

   I only make mental bets and coincidentally I've lost my mind.

   what a beautiful day, I think i'll work on the permanent indent on my couch..

   Muammar Gaddafi owns a house in New Jersey.....wow he really is crazy....hey Snooki, new meat.

   FYI - I just opened washing machine and found clothes, but no one was wearing them. Rapture, anyone???

   i wonder if this people who predicted the rapture are praying for an earthquake so they wont look stupid or praying for the end of the world to happen.

   I dont see how you can hate one night stands when you owe your existence to a one night stand yourself.

   When will one of our Allies step in and help us out ? Obama has done more damage here than any weapon of mass destruction ever could have !!

   Obama gets 12 stitches in his lip after basketball game. Impending war with North Korea but hey, let's shoot some hoops!!

   If we really want to keep our sensitive documents safe... Why don't we keep them with Obamas birth certificate?

   Why does a woman have two sets of lips? One to argue with and the other to apologize

   Gas prices have got everybody driving they're on probation: Straight to work and then strait home.

   They are making us take down American Flags off Bridges, Fire Trucks all across America! Watch, The National Christmas Tree is next, because it offends some people! Take back our Country before it's too Late!

   What's that white stuff Black babies rely on to live? - Taxpayers.

   lets party like its 2012....oh wait...