Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "It's summer! Yay! No more school shootings!" - American children.

   That Star Wars movie was BS! No Capt. Kirk! No Spock! No Scotty....Not even the Enterprise...😡

   No thanks, contemporary Christmas music.

   I think a true warrior for Women's rights would be fighting for the voices and rights of those millions of Unborn Women.

   This just in ... aliens no longer want to be taken to our leader.

   Why isn't Planned Parenthood called what it really is? Unplanned Parenting In The Hood.

   What if the Russians really did hack the elections and foiled the Left's plan to rig the election and now they are mad at Trump

   I guess border wall funding wasn't a priority when we had a working gov't and a Rep Congress the last 2 years...

   I didn’t set my clocks back. I’m writing this from one hour in your future. We have jet packs.

   thinks our exit strategy for Iraq should involve "leaving" through Iran

   I smell bacon.....I smell pork! Run little piggies cuz I got a fork!

   kim kardashian: she's the kinda girl you could pee on

   I have an irrational fear of parking by a dumpster at night because I think a gorilla will jump out of it.

   - I wish Google Maps had an "Aviod Ghetto" routing option.

   A silly woman will look at what a man drives. A wise woman will look at what drives the Man.

   IT WAS Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick...NOW EVERYONE GET OVER IT!

   I asked my mum what she wants for Mother's Day..... She said, all I want is a bit of caring and looking after.....So I put her in a nursing home

   When someone says I look familiar, I say "You've probably seen me in porn."

   Why do women continue to by men gifts, when the two "best" gifts are free? Blow Jobs and Silence!

   Why did the chicken cross the road.....to get away from the gays