Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everyone makes mistakes, accept for me.

   Spandex: a Right, not a Privilege.

   dude, where's my government

   New Presidential Executive Order: All DNC Trolls must now only fly United Airlines

   Having a search warrant is not a break in .

   Why are they called ‘school gym clothes’ and not ‘class action suits’?

   George W said he spoke with Osama, and Osama said he didn't do it.

   A three-legged dog walks into an Old West saloon and says "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my Paw!"

   In the 2020 election, remember... Bernie is with her...

   Fidget Spinners: Is that like really small women with Turetts Syndrome?

   The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads

   Remember the time when you said that you hire the best people, then all those people went to prison? That was awesome!

   An agnostic is just an atheist who is hedging his bets.

   Education is important, but opening the pubs is importanter.

   be glad ur not a smurf....they have blue balls 24/7

   If you don't want me pointing out your faults, don't have so many to choose from

   Can I come over and mess up your hair and makeup?

   Calories are tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter every night.

   ..... YUP ....... Back my day .... computer technology used to be a lot tougher than it is now....... Heck I remember when mice had balls.

   If bad things happen in threes I'd hate to be Billie Joe Armstrong today.