Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you can always tell someone who just started rooting for the Steelers, they never know how bout the "H" in Pittsburgh

   if your still gathering rocks to throw at me,you must have a LOT of rocks and I'm scared.

   Nice guys finish.... In the shower

   had lent 5000$ to his friend for plastic surgery.....now its hard to recognize him.

   I could never own a Porsche because I refuse to pronounce it like the Douche Bags that own them do.

   wouldn't it be great to be born old and grow to be young???

   Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

   dont take a sleeping pill and a laxative before bed...

   snappin necks and cashin checks

   So it's okay to kill hookers in video games, but smack one around in real life because you want to negotiate the price and suddenly everyone gets all pissy. Geeze.

   I was tickling a toad on his right flipper! Frog giggles amuse me!

   Dear McDonalds, if you start serving breakfast all day you will get more of my money. Sincerely, Supply and Demand.

   So two lions walk into a bar,,,,,, they ate EVERYONE,,,,, it was a horrible evening.

   Admit it, at one time in your life you went a public washroom and didnt wash your hands after because nobody else would see you

   "Bromance" should be a relationship status on facebook.

   Kim Kardashian's marriage was shorter than a midgets tie

   Its much easier to to turn a friendship into love.. then love into a friendship.

   I miss 1999. Ya know, when we all used to do it for the Nookie...

   I told the monster in my closet that if he came out of the closet he would be gay. Problem solved! #Winning

   A wise old man once said nothing....bet a woman can't do that!!