Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The fire department does not appreciate being called to come fight an April Fool fire.

   certaintly.. not in a balloon at this moment

   gettin by with a little help from my friends.

   about to try cruise control in reverse

   is trying out for "Home School Musical"

   I'm never getting married. After learning another Bachelorette couple has split, I simply don't know what love is anymore.

   You know you're getting old when you got to scroll down to find your birth year!

   If myspace and Twitter were suddenly gone, would anyone really care?

   When you allow a Hypocrite to stand between you and God, guess who is closer to God...

   Heard more dead birds were found in Pittsburgh and Atlanta last night

   One day, long, long ago. There lived a woman who didn't nag, whine, and b!tch. But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day. The

   i'd run away from home, but my Mom wont let me cross the street.

   If you watch "Groundhog Day" backwards, its basically the same except Bill Murray doesn't get the girl at the end.

   Student + dying = studying

   Vu ja de: When you are in a situation that reminds you of something that will happen.

   WHOOOAAA!!! I smell the strong stench of "MONDAY" brewing!!

   "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'"

   You can negotiate with a terrorist, NOT with a red head.

   A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

   A smile is like tight underwear... it makes your cheeks go up.