Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Does anyone else get Road Rage walking behind slow people?

   To the Democrats: Your parents cant afford another 4 years of you living in their basement.

   My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs @ the end of summer... I've only got 40 lbs to go.

   So, one candidate wants to fix an economy that made him a billionaire while the other supports killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers...

   Lindsay Lohan bitten by snake while on vacation in Thailand. After hours of rolling around in unspeakable agony the snake finally died.

   The State Department says Comey was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! Can we say we told you so?!

   2016 goes from bad to worse: Nickelback is still a band

   Thinking about opening a lingerie shop for plus size women ....... Gonna call it KING THONG

   A lot of sandwiches are not being made today

   Paul Ryan thinks Trumpcare health bill needs some changes. To me, it needs only one -- incinerating the entire document in a tire fire.

   Me come to US of A to kill moose and squirrel. Somehow me marry fat, old, rich guy who never shutting up and live too long.

   leaving your mouth with a great clean feeling

   Wow... over 500,000 people attended Obama's Inauguration today.. and only 7 missed work

   " OMG ... I would kill for another Nobel Peace Prize. " Barack Obama

   I am still voting for Trump!!!!!

   What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family of four.

   if you're too lazy to get a photo ID maybe you shouldn't be voting anyway...

   If he makes you laugh, kisses your forehead, says hes sorry, makes an effort, holds your hand, attempts to understand you. Hes totally cheating on you.

   How many Mexicans does it take to knock out Pacquiao.........JUST JUAN

   I don't do drugs. I just smoke weed.