Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When your a standup comedian your not going to make everyone laugh. When your up there on stage half the audience should be laughing, and half the audience should be horrified.

   can you make a caption that I can actually read ?

   people.with over attitude mid- finger salute..!!:D

   saying of course, the Squirrels!! gotta save the Squirrels..those flying ones are some cool gliding rodents

   No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He's been feeding off "I Don't Like Mondays" for 30 years.

   the victim of the rules he/she lives by!

   so busy , in fact I have more on than a redundant stripper.

   Thanks for tagging me in that picture, but nobody needs to know that side of the story...k-thanx

   it feels like I'm getting a 24 hr colonic by the government.. .

   I know the exact day I gave up following the path of least resistance. It's on my birth certificate.

   if you don't care about my past, then why do you keep asking about it?

   so over hearing about the religious quacks and Arnold. You are all giving me a tumah!

   If you want to be a part of my life you will only communicate with me via electronics.

   If you didn't have my number before you broke, lost, or got a new phone, don't invite me to your "new phone need numbers" group on Facebook. You just make me feel like a jerk when I ignore it

   I've overcome my fear of Friday the 13th, since I don't think my luck can conceivably get any worse!

   Love pshhhh I rather fall in chocolate

   Do you suffer from post-heartbreak drip? Itchy ennui? Restless desire? Empty dreams? If so, ask your doctor if Depression is right for you.

   The way Nicki Minaj sings is also a good reminder for women that their waxing time has arrived.

   Never lasts longer than forever.

   i am woman, hear me giving you the silent treatment.