lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   I just paid $200 to join the National Believers in Reincarnation Club. It cost alot but oh well,you only live once.

   Just started the all donut diet, or as I like to call it, Glazed Anatomy.

   You're never more indignant in life than when you're shopping in a store that you feel is beneath you and one of the other customers mistakes you for an employee of that store.

   ...warns you this Halloween to beware of strangers bearing strange tools like chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, and band saws.

   My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist.They kept fighting tooth and nail.

   My local newspaper is now publishing online. I'm potty training my puppy and he's already ruined three computers.

   What did the blonde get on the I.Q. test? Nail varnish.

   ...thinks the "vamps" in Twilight and New Moon look like a cross between The Cure & NSYNC..ooohh..such shiny white fangs too!

   My mother wants me to get up and go to work. But the voices in my head want me to stay home and clean the guns.

   I always give 100% at work:13% Monday 22% Tuesday 26% Wednesday

   Hukd on Fonics werked for me!

   Its Friday 13th,an unlucky day.To counteract that you could try a Rabbits Foot or a Lucky Horseshoe. Horseshoes usually bring good luck today,but never trust a horse that wears high heels & remember to never trust a rabbit that tries to sell you his foot.

   Oh sh*t, my computer uses U.S. English. I wanted to 'save' the document but accidentally blew it up.

   Whats the difference between a wife and a prostitute? One's on contract,the other's pay-as-you-go.

   so lazy, she'll fight that little stone in her shoe till the end of the day

   Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

   ..is stealing everyone's watches and changing all the clocks at work. "What? 5 o'clock already? See ya!".

   I don't mind running into debt. It's running into my creditors that's embarrassing.

   My therapist once told me, "Sarah, no one is taking advantage of you." Feeling a bit better I asked how much was the co-pay. He said "I don't know how much do you got?"

   Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING!