lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Sociologists say San Francisco's birth rate is projected to decline sharply in the next decade. I'm actually rather surprised San Francisco has a birth rate.

   Cheer up Prince Charles! They only vandalised your car with a bit of white paint. It's not like they deliberately chased your car into a tunnel during the night and murdered you.

   "Do they know it's christmas time at all?" Yeah they should. They made most of the presents.

   There's nothing like a visit from an out of town friend to point out how little I actually know about the city I live in.

   "When they're not fighting or racing light cycles, I'll bet the citizens of TRON spend a lot of time on the phone with tech support" -Conan OBrien

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.

   An office Christmas party is not a good time to ask the boss for a raise. Wait until the next day when you have pictures.

   Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday... Your middle name wouldn't be Ronny would it ,Jo?

   I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But, if the white runs out, I'll drink the red

   I haven't been to work in four days. I've almost forgotten how to play solitaire and minesweeper.

   Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

   If I sleep on my side, do the "ZZZZs" turn into "NNNNs" ?

   When God asks what you've done with your life, try not to say “Didn't you read my statuses?”

   Legally,It's questionable. Morally,It's disgusting. Personally,I like it.

   I tYp3 LyK tHi5 cuz i'm cool, No..you type like that because you failed English Now go to preschool and ‘Type like this.'

   Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

   Did you hear about the new Austalian diet? It's called Swim Fast.

   Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.

   The reason I'm single? She wouldn't marry me when I was drinking and I wouldn't marry her when I was sober.

   How do you spell "clitoris"? I don't know but I had it on the tip of my tongue a moment ago.