Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes I miss you so much,I just want to rip you out of my dreams and hug you!

   I want to play hookie from work and have as much fun and fit as much in as Ferris Bueller did in the

   i believe global warning as much as I do the weather man....

   "Blonde men aren't dumb, they're evil. Like in the Karate Kid and World War II." - Bart Simpson

   wonders who is good at following directions. everyone press ALT + F4

   wondering why there are Interstate highways in Hawaii?

   officially changing her TV remote's name to Waldo.

   Statistics show that 9 out of 10 can' t handle this!

   At what point did the police change their motto from, "To Serve and Protect" to "To Pester and Annoy?"

   It appears to me that Brett Favre was fined $25k per inch in the Jen Sterger affair.....

   The Golden Globes are on, wonder if Charlie Sheen will win for 2 and 1/2 men or is that One man, 5 hookers, lots of Alcohol and a bag full of cocaine..

   watching Yellow Submarine. So this is what it feels like to be high.

   getting tired of waiting for Snow to follow up Informer

   Redneck sext: when mom and dad leave You're all mines.

   Chick-fil-a announced today they have a new policy concerning patrons! ....Men will no longer be able to share their ''Nuggets!''

   Good news guys! Only 17 more days until we can stop hearing about the Olympics!

   My girlfriend was looking through my DVD collection. "What's 'Fight Club'? I've never heard of it," she said. It's good to see the system's working.

   My girlfriend has been trying out her new schoolgirl outfit I brought her earlier today. Which is a shame........Can't believe she's back to school on Monday already.

   Golf - Because even douchebags need fresh air too.

   Sometimes, I think women should be kept on the wall with a large sign that reads, "Break glass in the event of horny".