Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Last night some girl told me she couldn't talk to me while I was texting. I told her "That's the point."

   Back in my day there were only 151 Pokémon...

   i find myself trying to like text messages..wtf?

   Wow !!!!!! this is the oldest i've ever been, I fell Great..... Just out ran the kid next door to the ice cream truck, so what if he's only 10, i've still got something left in the old tank... It's a good day, a really good day!!!!

   i m dissapointment in your grammer

   The snooze button is life's way of saying that waking up sucks.

   I can rise, and I can shine... I just can't do both at the same time.

   I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

   just noticed that one of his neighbors has changed the name of their wireless network to "AmishOnly!"

   I wish I was more mature in high school to understand all those passes made by girls.

   wondering when the hell did he become a morning person

   I will personally pay the exorcist to pay Anna Anka a visit.

   quitting smoking is very easy , I have done it so many times

   If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.

   The longest distance between any two points,, is the walking path of a 2 year old.

   I never said I knew what was going on. Who wants that kind of responsibility?

   The other day I saw a sign at the hospital that said "Family Planning" use rear entrance and I thought to myself that's great advice...

   If a tree falls in the woods, but then just pretends to be tying its shoes, do the other trees notice?

   Putting a lock on your moped is like putting your Crocs in a safety deposit box.

   If saying a bunch of stupid crap on the internet is what life's all about, then I'm living the dream.