Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It' s impossible to sneak Oreos out of this loud & sticky package they're in. Damn you Nabisco!!

   If you stalk a regular 16 year-old girl and take photos of her, you'll be arrested. But if she's famous, you'll be hired as a Paparazzi.

   "Lets watch a scary movie!" *several hours later* "Dude, walk with me to the bathroom"

   Don't you hate it when people talk sh!t on Facebook? Internet Gangsters

   Dude why are you making that face? You look like you're gambling on a fart.

   problems are like a tree, if you cut off the leaves they will grow back but if you cut it out at the roots they will be gone for good

   LIFE is the art of drawing...WITHOUT an eraser

   I've been shopping for a new desk. Still can't find one with a headboard.

   I have watched all the harry porter movies with subtitles on, so that means I have read them too

   I'm no binge drinker. Binge drinking is defined as having 5 or more drinks at 1 sitting. I usually have my 4th and 5th lying on the floor.

   Note to self: Lets keep those intimate times to ourselves..

   To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

   If the bank wanted the security picture on the front of my debit card to be accurate for my account, they would've let me frown.

   It never dawned on me about how fascinating I truly am until I perused through my Google search history.

   off to get charged. Will be back when the batteries are full. Good night all.

   Dear Facebook Friends, You can't find out who saw your profile. You won't see what you look like in the future. You won't see what the man saw when he walked in on his daughter. There are no free I-Pads and you can't see the video of Osama's death on face

   As long as there is enough liquor to drink the apocalypse won't bother me.

   If something goes without saying, why mention it?

   Let's hope karma is a bigger b!$#h than they ever were.

   child beauty pageants..these mothers are insane..thats my OPINION..!!!!