Aaron Funny Status Messages

   I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits.

   I'm one of those people that tried this at home.

   "We're losing her." -sanity

   you can't let me into the club? Maybe my friend Benjamin Franklin can persuade you… *comes back 45 mins later in a bad wig, holding a kite*

   I'm allergic to tequila, I break out in handcuffs.

   I'm not gonna be able to come out tonight I already sat down

   I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

   Cats will be the hardest zombies to kill, with their -9 lives and all.

   Jesus, take the wheel. My beer just rolled under the seat..

   Don't run with scissors because you might accidentally trip, fall and cut the grand opening ribbon of a new museum 2 weeks ahead of schedule

   I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog's not housetrained.

   you wouldn't happen to have your missing DVD player's remote... would you?

   High on life and also a tiny bit of paint.

   do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

   Dyslexia killed my dog. Vegetarians don't know the first thing about animal surgery.

   I have a full-size map of the world. At the bottom it says "1 inch = 1 inch". I hardly ever unroll it.

   Just finished building Rome with Lego. Took me a day.

   I'm going to get "Poor Decision Maker" tattooed on my face.

   if I'm not back in five minutes.....call Obama. He'll know what to do

   The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees," so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.