Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My idea of a blind date is not removing your blind fold.

   I hate it when I am mistaken for someone who cares about your problem.

   Don't mistake post sex cuddling for “I want you to be my girlfriend.”

   9 out of 10 dentists choose....... to ask me if I smoked weed before the appointment.

   If you keep a foot in the past and a foot in the future, you're gonna piss on the present...

   The new season of American Idol displays all the calculated, boring insignificance of every season that's preceded it.

   breaking up is hard to do... unless of course you're mad and there's a vase nearby....

   For being clones of a supposed badass, Stormtroopers can't aim worth a crap.

   Women need to be complimented so much it's like they're asking us to lie.

   My computer is frozen up... and it looks like moving my mouse around in circles will not fix the problem.

   Of course I'm looking for the right person, because they say opposites attract and I'm already wrong.

   I think I've managed to weird myself single.

   roses are red, chocolate is brown, some ppl will be stuck at home looking for singles in their town

   Oscar Pistorius will try and plead temporary insanity! I personally do not think he has a leg to stand on!!

   "That was the last arrow in my quiver of whimsy." ~Amy Farrah Fowler

   Sunday is looking like a category "1 box of wine" nor'easter.

   Taking off your clothes is the best part of my day.

   Where do we cash out these Likes? I need gas money, and by gas money I mean booze.

   If anybodys looking for me i'll be in Southie lookin for Erin's Gold Bra. Happy St Patricks Day

   The problem is the ugly ones are too confident and the good looking ones are taken.